The Writings of a Deranged Teen
by Dancing-Pinky-Flower
Summary: Sometimes things just don't happen like you want them too. Diary Format. Review, please.
1. Gasp'ola

_**This is what happens when I get bored. I write weird things. I think I **might** write another fic thats the same, just in normal format. I hope you get what the heck I'm writing. Its crazy and I have no idea how I was inspired. Oh well, I hope you like it. I shall try to make this an ACTUAL story. **_

**_Read and review people, read and review. _**

**_Disclaimer-I don't even own 639.I DO own Mei Young. Young is actually my own last name. So, take that. _**

Diary entry on July 1st, 2006

12:00 pm/am?

I, Mei Young, had gotten tired of my neighbor having _several_ men over at once. And talking for long periods of time. They arrived late, and left early. And I'd hear things like 'What the Shell?' where'd I mutter to myself 'Hell' or 'Fuck'. Oh, and not to mention when they jump out of the window. In fact, I'm sitting on mine, just waiting to hit them with a rolled up newspaper. Oh yes, I will extract my revenge. You see, they lean out, check below, then jump. They forget that someone lives right next to Miss O'neil.

Ohooo. I am indeed evil in my mind. Haha.

Unfortunately for me, I fell asleep. Don't worry, I fell inside my room. Perfectly almost safe. How do I know this? Why, I woke up in my bed and a note with a happy drawing of a turtle on it. Cute!

Diary entry on July 2nd, 2006

1:00 PM

Listening to a mixed CD. UnderOATH and Muse rocks. Totally. Maybe I should turn it down, people in the library are staring. Hm…the librarian is coming over.

1:07 PM

I have been tossed out for disturbing the peace. Hm…maybe I shouldn't be writing this on the ground. I could bet stepped on. AHH! People in horrible rock clothing are coming! RUN LIKE HELL HAS BEEN RELEASED!

2:00 PM

I have been kidnapped and I'm still listening to UnderOATH. Yep. ACK! Some guy just got thrown in next to me. He's out cold. Oh well. He'll survive. Wait, that means the doors open. I'm so stupid. AHH! Another man's in here! OHMYGOD! YAY! The evil-people-with-bad-hairdo's-and-Tattoo's are getting their ass' kicked by these people in green. Ooer.

2:30 PM

Only until now have I noticed that they have these things on their backs. And there's one with an orange…thingy around his head that's trying to read what I'm writing. Its kind of hard to think while he's doing that. Oh, He's told me that they're…pardon me for sounding insane…turtles. CUTE! Lets see if they can go into they're shells!

No, it didn't work. I poked the one that's wearing red and he nearly killed my favorite pen. Mr. Penny pen pen! NOOOO! HE BROKED IT! I'm using a pen now from the one wearing blue. The one in red decided to snap Mr. Penny Pen Pen when I poked him again for revenge. NOOOO!

Oops. I did that out loud. Woopsie. Oh well.

2:58 PM

I'm sitting across from this large, human sized rat whose name is 'Masta' Splinter. I can picture him in Gangsta clothes all rapping about the underground and how hard it is to be a rat.

Dude.

I cringe at their diet. Its so unbalanced, I'm surprised they're alive at all. AHHH! BEGON PIZZA SLICE FROM HELL! NOOO!

Sorry about that, Michelangelo just force fed me a piece. It tastes good, I'll give it that much, but Pizza will be the end of me. Ahh, salad. Did I really just write that? Ohmygod! Nooo! Give me a sec.

Okay, I've given up. Donatello just put my CD in the stereo. Unfortunately for him, Michelangelo had it turned up all the way. Oh yes. Headbangers unite! Oh yes,UnderOATH totally rocks the song 'A boy Brushed in Red living in black and white'. Shake it like a poloroid pictcha! You know that's how they say it. Gotta go, I have a 'meeting' with Masta Splinter yo! Peace out my homiez!

July 3rd

Well, I'm officially stuck here in the…sewers I guess. Hm. I had to eat fish last night. I hate fish. And then when I asked what was what, they told me I just ate shark. I ran to the bathroom so quick, I swear to god…Shark is my Amakua! a'ole! NOOO! I ate my Great grand father! Woe is my poor family! NOOO! And then they all started freaking out cuz they thought I was allergic to it. I barely escaped getting my stomach pumped.

July 4th

Just. Sat. Through. 4 hours. Of talking. Michelangelo said that in the first hour, my face did all sorts of facial expressions then… it just stopped. And then I stopped blinking for like ten minutes a blink. Donatello didn't notice before his back was turned to me while he was doing…something. Aren't I lucky?

Ack! Gotta go! Raphael came home in a puddle of blood! Shishkabobs!

July 5th

I'm sitting next to 'Raph' as he requested I say. Through his 'hazes' of 'tormented' pain, he heard me referr to him as Raphael. What a 'gastly' name for a turtle. Actually, I quite like it, makes _him_ sound smart. Hehehee! I said that outloud! Heheheheee!

On a less happier note, I had to do a blood transfusion. Donatello freaked and couldn't think at all and Master Splinter was too busy trying to stop the blood flow. So, I did a rough sketch and made the other two search around. I am officially a genius and have been granted a lifetime of service from them.

Ooh yes, I am a smart person. And no one else believes that I have the brain capacity to think that much. Hmph! HA! Sorry, Raph just poked me with his 'Sai'. At least, that's what I think it is. Anywho, I took it away and is now sitting on a pillow on my other side. He can't reach it.

Have you ever seen turtle eyes? Oh wait, hold on, I need to get closer. Okay, I'm on Raph now. He's not aloud to move or else I get to hit him, so…alls good. Though, I'll probably get in trouble for sitting on him in the first place. Holy…shit…Wow.

I swear, I must've been staring at him for about three minutes. His eyes were beautiful. Wow. They were red/orange/dark yellow-ish and were just amazing. I've always loved my eyes but his…they make me wanna be a photograp-

Sorry, Michelangelo just came in and thought that Raph and I were about to 'Get it on' as he said. I had to remind him that a Turtle's anatomy and a humans are much more different, not matter how mutated to first one's is towards the latter. Then, I used big words to make him forget and he went off to find a dictionary.

OHMYGOD! 639! Masta Splinta got him for me! Oooh! My little duckling! Come to momma!

**_Read and review, I wanna actually do more chapters. TTFN!_**


	2. STICK 'O DOOOOOOMMMM!

Hello my little ducklings! I AM BACK! Oh yes, I indeed have made myself write again! Mwahahahahaaa!

Not to mention that I wrote a story around...a long time ago and it was horrible. Read my stuff and review. I personally love this one and hope you get me. No, I have not had my period yet. Though, I should start in like...a week. Or, if I'm really that unlucky, I will start it on my plane trip. Isn't that lovely? 5 1/2 hours of sea and one very small bathroom. Yes, death I tell you death. then, after 2 or 3 days of relax time, i am off again on a 2 part trip. One to like...Texas and then to Florida. Yes, long plane trip and lots 'o money spent. My mom's been thinking about getting me one of those credit cards for plane...miles.

Disclaimer-I unfortunately do not own the violin 639 (Though I love it. There's nothing like a broken in Violin. If you ever take a class or even just hold one, it just fits right in. Its a beautiful and wonderous thing.). Nor the months, days, hours, or the TMNT's.

Forgiveme if anything's misspelled, I turned off my spelling check...er...yeah. Oh, check out my other stories. WOOOT! Advertising! YAY!

It begins.

July 7th

Its official. I can't play the violin anymore. And its only been a week! I tuned my little baby and started playing, but something weird won't let me do stuff. So, I am practicing my finger movements. THAT'S why my writing is so clumsy. Oh well, its not like _you_ care. Actually, I wouldn't be surprised if someone was reading this. Ooh, thast kind of scary.

Anywho, Raphael isn't allowed to move and I get to watch over him. He has discovered that I can stay awake 48 hours in a row. All I need is soda and a camera. Masta Splinta found a really big nice one. Its manual, but its like the ones photographers use. I took one picture of the guys all together and told them it was Porn. Masta Splinta was the first to laugh and get it. Seriously, the poor rat was laughing so hard that he had the hiccups.

Then we had to explain why it was Porn. He started to tell them in a very…cushioned manner an dthen I was all like, 'Its cause you guys walk around nekkid." Then Masta Splinta started laughing all over again. And then he did this weird snort and I started laughing. I have this 'Crazy' laugh as my family calls it. I always laughed like an adult, even when I was a baby. Only, because it was so funny, Tears were running down my cheeks and I couldn't stop, I went down and rolled on the floor for a bit, looking more than a bit insane, because Donatello took a picture.

Oh yes, the loveliness of pictureness.

Terrific.

Well, that's it. I gotta go get some sleep. Its Leonardo's turn to watch. For the night. Damn.

July 8th

I'm as bored as…Raphael. Seriously. We have nothing to do and so I'm gonna fall asleep on him so he can't move. This'll be the only one for today. That's how boring it is. Fuck.

July 14th

OHMAGA'! I'M FREEE! WOOOT! YES! That's actually what I said outloud. I think I'll flip back later to say it. It makes you feel good. Anywhatchamacallit, I have been released! No, I'm not at home, nor was I imprisoned in the first place. Don't act like you're disappointed! Well, Raphael is better and I've been stuck with him for like…ever. He was rather rough with me when he tried to teach me how to use 'Sai's'. I'm not a violent person at heart, so, he got frustrated at me and I almost cried. And then I took a picture while he was in mid yell. JUST so he could see how scary he is. And then he got mad at me all over again.

I ran away and somehow managed to hid into a cabinet and cry. I'm in it right now. Michelangelo found me and brought me a pillow, blanket, and some tissues. He got teased the most and the cabinet was actually his hiding space when he was smaller. …Except he was easier to find and he had to use a chair.

Yes, that does mean I'm in the air. By the fridge. Yep. Michelangelo was nice enough to cook dinner so no one would find me, that way he could talk, make it sound like he was talking to himself, and get things for me. He told me that everyone was 'Running around looking for you like headless turkeys'. I whispered through the crack that turkeys _can_ run around headless from a delayed reaction and that blood would spurt out. So, its more like headless turtles.

He proptly let some steam reach me, making me sweat. Well, I guess I deserved it. Oooh! Spegetti! YUMMY! I gotta go, I have been found. NoOoOoOOOOOOoooo! dAmN. CuRsE yOu DoNaTeLlO! Oh well.

July 15th

Raphael is officially not aloud to yell at me. In fact, he was sent up to the surface with Leonardo to get me some razors and shaving cream. It was the only thing I could think of with everyone staring at me. Uh-oh. I think I just started my period! Noooo! BAD! Eeek! Tampons! Need Tampons and pads! Gah!

9:00 Pm

Oh, I am truly loved. At first, everyone just stared at me before Michelangelo dispatched himself and got me Pearl Plastic;Regular and some pads with Wings on them. Jesus. You'd think they went through this all the time. On a happier note that's somewhat scary, Raphael cornered me and told me he was sorry. Did I mention this was in the bathroom? Don't worry, I just changed everything and opened the door-and he was there. I nearly screamed and I lept a few inches off the ground. But yes, it was a bit more than scary and I don't think I can write the whole thing down, but I got an apology and a heart attack. Lovely.

July 16th

Am. Tired. I'm actually perfectly awake, but I'm tired of being near people. Sure, I love the guys, I really do, but this is the whole reason I went on vacation. I'm the kinda person that can live without any human contact and be fine with it. I'm borderline anti social. I told Masta Splinta that I had to do something or I'll explode and he took the boys out. Wow, that rat sure knows a girl. I was so happy! And then…they came back. I'm gonna meditate. With the Guys. In peace, then fall asleep by accident. Yay. Oh yeah, my Period is doing fine.

July 17th

HA! I showed them! I lasted longer than everyone and my mind was totally clear. They were all trying to show off but they lost! At least, that's what Michelangelo said. In fact, he's right behind me, reading everything I'm writing. Hey, The Devil Went Down To Georgia just came on! WHHEEEE! Fiddling stuff! Now I remember why I wanted to play the Violin. Hey, I still don't know the difference between a Fiddle and a Violin. Makes no sense. I'll survive.

July 18th

Ha! Wait, I used that for my last entry. Well, not in the same sense. Oh well. Anywho, I have learned to use….a stick! Yes, the mighty stick of doom. He called his Bo so I have labled mine Stick 'o Doom. For some odd reason he started to go into the history of a stick. I sat there and listened though. He talked about Monks and Farmers. And then I told him the history of mine. _SHE_ fell off a tree and some person/turtle/girl/female/….umm...Lady took it and made it into a smooth stick and all even. They were even nice enough to but black on it.

Everyone voted that mine rocked better than his and I got to have a shower first. WOOOOT! I have to go, that shower awaits!

July 19th

This morning I woke up and the first thing I saw was a large Gator face. I screamed, hit it with my fist(In fact, it shocked it and it stumbled back), grabbed my Stick 'O Doom, and ran away.

I found the guys up in the air, standing on one leg, and all meditating. Only when I heard a small slithering noise did I start to freak out and run around, zig-zagging.

And you know what they did? They laughed. Yes, that's right. They laughed themselves down 7 feet of pole. Then I layed the smack down all up on that Gators ass. Oh yes, me an inexperienced person layin' the smack down. I did fancy twirly and managed to not get my head taked off when I did so. It was kewl.

Then I ran away and hid on Leonardo's head. His swords made it _very_ easy to sit there. That's when Masta Splinta told me that 'Leatherhead' just wanted to get a look at me. Dude, I swear to god, I think they're all stalkers.

And then, I felt something drop. And ran to the bathroom to change. HA! I'm almost done! Only like, one more day.

When I got out, I apologized and hugged the poor…guy…reptile...person and stood there and held the ice to his face for him.

I actually still feel bad. Really. I've banned myself from using Stick 'O Doom and will Meditate 5 hours a day for a week. Yes, it will staunch the whole writing thing, but that just means that I won't have to write as much. Sigh. Oh, its time for bed.

Sorry if its short, I've been trying to do 3-4 pages each time I look at this, so, I apologise. REVIEW FO' ME!


	3. Brown and White

_Holy. Cow. It's been almost a year since I updated. Dude, how weird is that? I know I've seemed to dissapear off the radar of craziness and sensability. Oh, and Angsty-ness. But...I've just been-not. Just a lack of 'You can do it!' But I did this anway in like...3 hours. Becaues I'm lazy and I had it up longer than I typed. _

_Now, I was feeling trippy so I decided to do something different. It may be confusing and weird, but that's just this. I hope no one kills me for this._

_Disclaimer- I, the Oreo eating SAGA123 does not own anything. Except my person. Who, at this very moment. Cannot remember her name because I haven't read the first chapter of this in like...forever. I think her name is Mei. But that's it. _

Brown and White

July 24th

Holy shit. I think I did it. Oh wait, I have one more day. Ugh. Fuck it. Oh yes. I am indeed swearing. HA!

Earlier today, Leonardo wanted to see how 'limber' I was. Woo. Don't I feel good? I'm good with my back. I can lie down on my stomach, push myself up with my hands, put my head back, and put my toes under my nose. I can bend back far while standing up, my arms move weird, and...my right shoulder can be pulled out of its socket and put back in again. Yep. Isn't that weird? Oh! And I can do even more crazy things with my spine! Oh yes, I was in a circus training camp for the whole summer. Work it!

That's when he picked me up so I was looking at my legs. He was holding me with one arm! WOW! Well, That's when he told me to get out of his grip. I turned on my back, did a sort of roll to get out, and stood up, ready to run off. Totally cool, yo! Only, I got cornered. Donatello threw a weight at me and I caught it. Woot! I fell down flat on my back. Terrific. So, right now, I don't have a shirt on and have some really weird smelling 'oinment' on my chest.

I never knew bruises could _turn_ yellow. Icky. So, Donatello made it look like **RAPE!!!!** when he peeked under my shirt to see what damage it did. That's when Masta-Splinta-From-da-underground-yo hobbled in. My god. I never knew he was allowed to wack people with that thing! Dude! So, I got really bored having to lie on the ground seeing as everyone told me not to move while Donatello rigged up a...bone...seer thingy. Dammit! I forgot what its called! You know, the doc says 'lie here and try not to freak' before leaving the room and this big thing takes a picture of you? No? Oh, come on! Even I've seen it on TV! Oh well. He's rigging one up. OUCH! Something stepped on me! OOOOUCH! Gah----

July 25

Dude, This guy named Casey Jones stepped on me yesterday.

July 26

Okay, nothing's broken. But it hurts. In fact, al lot of things hurt. Many, many things. On an interesting note, it seems that Ms. O'neil broke into my apartment and grabbed all my clothes. She even did my laundry! WOOOOT! NO LAUNDRY! Wait... Invasion of privacy! EEE!

Wow. That was a quick many-emotions-of-stupidity session. Usually it takes me longer. Hmmm, I think I just insulted myself. HA! That reminds me, I think April (Ms. O'neil) has some suppressed luuuuuuuvvvv for Mr. I-don't-look-where-I'm-steppin' (Mr. Jones). Its like high end tension of craziness. I accidentally snorted while eating my ramen when they were yelling at each other. It kinda went like this:

'WHAT?!' -by the two angry adults.

Me, being the total genius and problem solver I am went all, 'Citizens of Ze Underground Lair, Do not fear! It doesn't really matter if someone insults the geographical art of science (Here I just made up some stuff) if the other insults the delicate and body rendition of Crikolfcky (cricket-golf-hockey all combined). Especially if they have nothing to do with each other and everyone else is trying to eat.'

They were all stuck on my complicated words for about ten minutes. I happily ate my food and departed.

Well, that's basically how the day went. Funky, isn't it?

July 27

AAHHHHHHHH!!!! BLAAAAAAAH! RAAAAAAAAAAAAWR! Hissssssss. Okay. Well, everyone randomly decided that they should do an _organized_ case. Dude! When was the last time they looked in the cupboards? There's cheese and a pair of socks. RIGHT NEXT TO EACH OTHER! Sure, maybe I was the only one who saw it, but god. Organized? It's like...like...impossible.

Anywho, at dinner, everyone started asking each other stuff about dead bodies. No one really asked me. Of course. Of course a girl/teen/person wouldn't know about that stuff. So, I stared dejectedly at my pizza. That's when the miracle of miracles happened. RAPHAEL NOTICED! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT! He freakin' noticed and asked me-in a moment of silence-what I would look for if there was blood all over the place but a body missing.

I have only one thing to write. MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA!

And I responded accordingly. I swear to god this is exactly what I said, "Well, I'd look in the back to see if they had pigs. If they did, I'd advise you stomach pump every single one. And then I'd check under the floorboards and in the walls. You'd wanna look for shiny nails. OH! And then there's the whole thing about burying it in the basement!" And then I babbled for like...ever about how dead bodies could be crammed into small spaces and where they'd be.

I'm not allowed to talk about it when people are eating any more.

The whole rest of the day was uneventful. I mean, alarmingly so. I got Deja vu more than once and I got rather cold. Wait. That doesn't go as UN-eventful. Its more like _Eventfulllllllllllllllaaaa..._ Yes, that said Eventfula. That's not even a word. Am I on drugs or something? CHOCOLATE! lfiagnalfmasga!

July 28

Hehee. Chocolate. April brought over these boxes upon boxes of chocolate for the guys. And you know what? They don't like it! WHEEE! I get to gorge myself upon chocolate! RWARRRRR! RASPBERRY TRUFFLES! CREME BRULEE! Wait. Isn't that a desert? Hm...I should have another piece before reading the guide.

OUCH! PAIN! BEYOND HELL! YAAAAAGERSNUFFLE! Oh, my bruises are doing just fine. My body's still ugly-ly yellow and purple. Its getting better though. In fact, today I was checking on them and Donatello walked in (He's _supposed_ to give me a check up every other day) and promptly ran back out. Dude. Either its that bad, or I'm that good. And I'm pretty sure I'm not that good. I'm not pretty. And that's putting it mildly. At least, I don't think I am. Hm...that's pretty (GAH!) Depressing. Oh well.

I thing I should just get April to do it. THAT REMINDS ME! April's gone. Gone gonny gone. Like...Whooosh! The-wind-has-blown-my-balloon-away sort of gone. Like trippy gone. Like-I think you have it now. But, really. She's away doing something far, far away. And I'm not sure I like that. That woman is more delicate than she'd like to admit. Sure, she can kick ass, but I'm not totally sure her mental walls could take a hard hit. It's always like that. Either you got no walls or you're really bad at 'em. I'm the super genius at not letting people brain wash me. I mean, I'm perfectly fine and school didn't hurt me!

Is that a bad thing?

July 29

Half the time I'm not so sure things exist. I mean, I _know_ I'm capable of thinking and that things go on in our brains. Or at least, my brain. What if everyone out there isn't real or isn't thinking. Well, wouldn't that go under _not real_? Yeah. Well, when you see someone turn their car the right, don't you ever wonder why they live their day to day lives normally? What if once you see someone and they go away, they cease to exist. That the people that show up in your daily life are just...there. Shutting down for the night when you go home. A fake world.

I've personally thought of what would happen if I killed myself. I've seriously thought of doing it too, just to see what's on the other side. But when I glance at my wrists and think of the pain and hurt I'd cause my 'robot' family, I shrug and say, "Eh, I'll end up findin' it out when I'm old."

Weird. I think the weirdest things all the time. And no, I'm not depressed, Emo, or angsty. Let alone Suicidal. I thought of suicide as a science experiment, but as seen above, I'll do it later. Much later.

Michelangelo and I went to go play on the swings. Yes, they rigged up a pair of swings, no they haven't fallen yet, yes the area is sterile. It was so fun, just swinging and laughing as your stomach gets all light. Heheee, that's one of the only reasons I like gravity. It makes you feel good when it's not there.

But, as all things are, it didn't last that long. Leonardo came running in like the world was on fire and yelling at his brother to hurry up and get ready. There was this big 'Bounce' or, as the normal people call it, a fight. A 'Big Bounce'? The hell? I swear, that's what he said. A Big Bounce. I still can't get over it! Hahaaa! Wait. Isn't there a movie called 'The big Bounce' or somethng? I know it has 'Bounce' in it. And I know it has Bow Wow. In it. Man, he's one hunk of milk chocolate. And this is coming from a white cracker. Reminds me of another thing. Have you ever eaten milk chocolate with crackers? It tastes weird, yeah. But still. It's yummy. I'm drooling now, forgive me.

I'm sleepy. I'm gonna go to bed. I sure as hell better wake up with everyone here. It's creepy.

TTFN Ta ta for now!

July 30

OHMYGOD! NO ONE'S HERE! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! JESUS CHRIST! WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON:(

August 1st

THEY'RE STILL GONE! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! SHIT! THE HELL IS GOING ON? STILL?!?!?!?! I can't even think straight I'm so scared! I can't remember any of the telephone numbers they told me to call in an emergency! CRAP!

August 3

Okay. You know what? This is ridiculous. Where are they? It's honestly freaking me out and I can't sleep with the closet behind me anymore. Hell, being in the shower with music blasting isn't helping either. It's freakin' me out man. FREAKIN' ME OUT! AHHHH! I'm so scared.

August 4

I found the emergency numbers! Hurrah! Oh, shit. No one's answering. The hell is going on? Did the world just shut down, or what? It's like I'm the only living thing now. Was there an atomic bomb or something that blew everyone up? Was there some poisonous gas that hasn't broken through the sealed doors of the 'lair'? Oh, god I hope not.

August 5

I'm still alone.

August 6th

I _do_ know why hamsters eat their young.

August 7

It's been over a week and none of the numbers are working. I called the pizza place and their still alive. In fact, they accidentally gave me three pizza's instead of one. The guys would've been able to eat that much...Maaannnnnn...Where are they?!

August 8

This furry chick just popped out of the weird portal thing that I didn't know was there. AHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHAHAHHAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

August 9

Turns out that furry chick's name is...um...ah...SALLY! Yes, Sally. She's like a chipmunk or something. Really petite and curvy. Too the extreme. I think she's a princess or something from another dimension. Weird.

Anyway, seems everyone is in trouble and-seeing as I'm the only one here (And I have nothing better to do)-I have to save them. Save. As in, I get to shoot things and pretend it's a video game. Only, I could die. And get hurt. And never come back. Sally says that I'm the only one who could do it. _Could._ As in, I have enough limbs to do it. Holy shit. What's been goin' on up there? RAAAAAAAAACKERKNUCKLE!

August 10

OhmygodI'minanotherdimension! AHHH! EEE! Sneeze

Turns out that while Sally here was trying to get me to help, the royal S.W.A.T. team (Made entirely up of animals) saved the guys. HALLELUJAH! NO DANJA FOR MEE! WOOT! Yeah!

I am currently being treated as a Queen because A) I'm Human and I'm the first one to show up, B) I accidentally killed the evil thing that caused all of this. Don't worry, he was on death row anyway C) I said no when they asked if I wanted some meat to eat.

I AM QUEEN OF THE TALKING ANIMALS! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Wait. That just makes me look crazy. Oh, did you know that I could leave you here and no one would be able to read it? That's right! A different type of writing! Their O's are like...our W's or something! Isn't that fantastic?!

Gotta go, This maid lady said four turtles and an old rat are running towards me at 24 MPH Wait. What-

August 12

I've just been informed that all four turtles have lost their virginity. What? The hell did that happen? Wait-no! BAD IMAGES! EEEEEEE! Well...I suppose they kinda deserve it. I mean, they're probably not gonna score at any other point in time in their lives. I feel horrible just thinking about it. I want them to be happy, truly and honestly. But...at the same time, I remember that they probably will be alone their whole lives.

For the first time since I've come to stay with them, I've realized how much I hate _me_. For being Human. For having a chance at a Happily Ever After. God, I'm crying now.

August 13

The guys are going back in time to stop what was to happen that already did. I have no idea what's really going on, but I'm supposed to Leave my Journal in another dimension that won't be affected by this and/or the space time continuum. In fact, there's this Albino Sally that just showed up. She's agreed to hold it until August 30th. It seems A. Sally is about 9 days behind all the other universes. Weird. I'm told I won't remember a single thing and that this copy of my diary will be the only proof that it happened. Which is weird. I mean, how many times could I have written this?

Okay. Time to go back and forget all of this. I better believe myself. Knowing me, I probably will and then flip out and eat all the chocolate.

Wait. Deja Vu does that mean I've written this already?

OH. MY. GOD!!!!

Author's Note:

_Did you like it? I hope you did! I tried really hard. And my computer didn't do the little over the 'a' in Deja Vu. Hm...oh well. _

_Please review or something. Even if its just a smilie face. Or even better, review then check out the rest of my stuff! WOOOOOOOOOOOOT! _

_-Saga123_


	4. Happiness in a ChimpyChild

It's all thanks to Spring Break. I feel depressed and all I've been listening to is Red Rover by Rosie Thomas and I Never Told You What I Do For A Living by My Chemical Romance. Those were my two inspirations.

Red Rover was more so though. It's so sad but there's this positive note to it. Like, even when something bad is going on around you, there's still a possibility that a good could come out of it. That even if you hold someone back, it doesn't always mean they won't go anywhere. Now, I Never Told Yout What I Do For A Living is still kinda sad. I don't know why. Depends what you're reading.

Well, I think that's it. You'll notice how angsty it is. so, here, I'll say it loud for those that don't read this stuff's. _**ANGST! I'M BEING ANGSTY!!!**_ Kinda. Only, maybe not as much as I think I am. But I _did_ wake up crying this morning. I'll tell ya why if anyone want's to know. I think It deals with my stress levels...anyway...

Voila

* * *

Chapter 5

Happiness in a Chimpy-Child

August 13

Oh. My. God. There's a parallel universe. For real. OHMYGOD! Everyone was all like, 'OMFG!!!' when this white furry chick named Sally threw my Diary at Donatello through this portal thing! Then she like, closed it or something! AAHHHHHHHH!

But, wow. I'm really smart. Even smarter than I thought I was. And thinking that makes me smart in the first place. Er...yeah. Okay.

So I read 'my' diary to see what happened. Everything is exactly as it was until a few days ago. It's really weird. Holy cow, my brain just got zapped! It was like 'BAYUM!!! I BESTOW MORE STUFF ON YOU! LIKE...yeah...' Dude, weird.

Donatello wanted to read it to see if it 'held the secret of the universe'. I told him it doesn't. Maybe the key to my mind, but really. Who want's to look in there? Even _I_ don't go in there alone. Wait-

Anyway, everyone's been getting worried about me, asking if I wanted to talk about something. I'd kinda raise and eyebrow and shake my head. I mean, am I being depressed and becoming disjointed from the world? (Though, I admit, it happened to my other self) Well, I've always been the depressed type. Everyone's always depressed. I know I can change, so no need for the pills, I just like what I think about when I'm in the 'depths' of despair. I think about family, that place called school, and the quality and meaning of life. I suppose that's what scares them.

Op, look how weird I am. I start freaking out about a parallel universe and then, Voila, depressing stuff. Wow. I'm amazing. I've only known one other person that's been able to do that. And I'm pretty sure she's dead now. Death by suicide. How lovely. I knew she tried to stop, it was evident by how closely she listened to me when I scolded her. Every week she didn't do something remotely suicidal or without large risks, I'd take her to see a movie. Or out for ice cream. Depends how much I want to spend. Well, _wanted_ to spend. Six months ago she just disappeared off the radar. The first thing I thought of when the police asked me if I knew what happened to her, was death. She was fragile. Happy things weren't really that...happy for her. Nothing was really good enough. She could've been kidnaped, murdered, mugged _then_ murdered, Death by suicide, and so many other things. But the police came to the conclusion that she ran away. I just hoped she didn't. Truth be told, she's better off dead than alive in New York. _Especially_ her.

Wow. I talk al lot.

August 15

Okay, School has officially started and I am to be shipped back home. This so sucks.

August 16

I woke up crying this morning.

August 17

I'm back in the apartment and they didn't promise to come and see me.

August 18

School was okay. April and Casey seemed to have removed themselves from my life, by moving into a different apartment. I opened the door with the key under the mat and it was completely empty. They just left me a few stacks of bills, some wrapped up cookies, and a note. And it only said 'Sorry'. No explanation, no nothing. But I did know one thing. It was written by Leonardo. It was a controlled writing. Precise and perfect.

I went back home and just stood there. So, here I am, sitting in the corner with all the window's locked. I put their note in the main window. I'll cry when my sister get's back from China.

August 23

Plane crash.

August 25

My Great, great grandmother in China is going to be my new parental figure. I honestly have no idea what I'm going to do. Well, really, there isn't anything I _can_ do. I'm the third party. Again. I suppose it's all for the best though. Maybe I'll fit in great! I have school tomorrow and I'm leaving in a week. Ciao.

August 26

At school today, the teachers told all of us that they don't care what we do, just as long as you do something. A really nice black girl named LaToya (Who has two periods with me, right after another), gave me corn rows. She said she was sad that I had to leave. And that I was her favorite Little White Girl. Hm.. Maybe if I go into the CIA and search around, that'll be my code name. Positives have to make my world go round.

August 27

I was contacted by the 'Foot'. By phone, actually. They told me to stop dealing with the 'Turtles' and I won't get hurt. I told them they already left me. And that I had absolutely no information to give. They kept me under wraps very well. I guessed they believed me because they hung up. The day's aren't very exciting or hold a speck of love (Aside from the various black girl's that'll actually be sad I'm leaving). But I suppose I'm drifting farther and farther into depression. And I really wish all of this never happened. Or, more specifically, my sister had never left in the first place. But I suppose things could be worse. I could be dying! I could be starving and no one cared! I'm still alive, I could still do anything!

August 28

I was walking home today and I saw these people lined up against the wall. This Purple Dragon had a gun and was randomly selecting people to kill. A man in a business suit dragged me away, a sad, horrified look on his face. He told me to get home and be safe.

So there it was. A perfect stranger that cared so much for another. I have three days to be as great as possible. I don't particularly care who or what it is, as long as they're good. But then, isn't that playing God? Deciding who lives and dies? Whatever. I'm saving as many as possible, even if it's just mentally.

I'm gonna go to the hospital today. Right now. As soon as I put on something hippy happy.

Midnight

There was this little girl with Cancer that talked to me for the whole time I was there. She said she wished she could be like me. When I asked why she said it was because I was how she could see herself being if she grew up. She said _if_. And she was so confident about it. I told her that I _knew_ she was gonna be better. She was gonna be the most beautiful thing ever. She could do it. She could do whatever she wanted. She asked how. I told her to pretend. Pretend as much as possible that the Cancer doesn't exist. She could pretend to be a doctor, a Vet, even a news reporter.

She frowned at me, big green eyes puzzled. She didn't understand how it would help her. I told her that's how my Nana lived through her Cancer. Of course, I didn't tell her Nana died four years ago. But I remember how she got healthy again. That's all that mattered at the moment.

Her name was Nina Black and she liked Pink and Pineapples.

August 29

Nina called for me today. I took a cab, ran down the street, then practically died when the Police guard took out his taser. It was only through massive evasive action did I make it to Nina's room. She was sobbing. Her momma came in and told her she was moving to Wisconsin. And Nina was staying. Alone. Her momma had 'given her up'. She didn't want to deal with all the bills Nina was costing. Nina asked if I could adopt her when she got better. I would be 18 by then, right? I told her I would. She said it felt good to say 'When I get better'. She promised to be the best kid ever when she came to live with me.

I was told to leave a little while later by the Nurse. She said I could visit at five.

And I did. I came back, armed with comics, sugary sweets, and two of my favorite stuffed animals. I even stopped by the store to get her some outrageously priced pineapple. I took ten minutes just selecting it. I knew my fruits. And, as we devoured the little cubes, It was the best one ever. Sweet, yet tart. Soft, but not too soft. Firm, but comfortably so. We played with Carrots (My green and orange bunny) and Pinky. Nina had stared at the Pink hippo for a while, not quite sure what to make of it. But when I squeezed it's foot making it proclaim 'You're giving me a toothache, you're so sweet!' and wiggle it's ears, she let out a shriek, arms wrapping around it. We spent ten minutes alone just squealing at it each time it's ears moved.

When it was time to leave, I told her she could keep Pinky. I told her I'd be waiting to hug it again when she was healthy. We pinky promised.

At 9:00, I called my Grandma in China and told her I really needed to stay here. It sort of hurt when she 'hmm'-ed to herself, sounding like Master Splinter. She asked why. I told her all about Nina and how sorry I was that I couldn't come. She was silent for awhile, before saying it was okay. She said that she was glad I was taking responsibility of something. Not to mention my lack of swearing (Which was undoubtably spilled my...ah..late sister). She said that if I need absolutely anything, she would give it. She was ninety-six years old and still goin' strong. Had 7 kids, and only one last holder of the blood line. Me. I said I would.

August 30

I walked past a big man in a trench coat and a fedora today on my way to work. He asked if I knew any good pizza places. I told him the one on 23rd was fantastic. That was the last time I ever saw him again.

October 14

Nina moved in today. Her hair has started to grow back. She felt really self conscious about it so I told her I would buy her the best wig there ever was and dye my hair whatever color she wanted it. And, of course, I now have Pink hair and she has a pretty brown.

October 15

I made her go to school on the half day today. The doctors said she was more than stable enough to be there, they were just concerned about how stressed she could be. I picked her up right after school. She was all smiles and happiness. She couldn't stop talking about this boy in her class that new a kid who knew a guy who's step dad saw the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles once. She thought it was the most exciting thing ever.

October 31

Nina chased after these four dudes dressed up as the TMNT. I nearly did a full on tackle when one of them crouched down in front of her. He was just offering her something out of his bag. Nina, the smart girl, picked the Oreo snack pack, grinning happily. She told them how happy she was and that she had never had these before. That caught all five of us by surprise. I was the first one to ask 'Really? How unusual'. Nina went home a happy bundle of a chimpy-child.

November 4

Nina's been kidnaped.

It's time to bring out the guns. Fuck it.

* * *

Which reminds me:

Disclaimer: I own naught by Carrots, Pinky ( The stuffed animal only), Nina, and my dream that was afore mentioned in the foreword. Kinda. Yeah. Anywho...yeah.

Hell yeah! The original, weird Mei is coming back! Er. Kinda. Depends. Hm...


	5. Miss Kitty Nori

Okay, my computer deleted absolutely everything it had on it. courtesty of a bad judgement call by Moi. Though, the positive side is that my momma is a genius and fixed it. Only, the file I had for a more 'GUNS BLAZING AND PEOPLE DYING!!!$$ (Is that hilighted blue? What the fuck?) Story was gone and I couldn't toss a single coherent thought so- it no longer exists and I apologize to the person I asked for help from.

Oh yeah, there's a lack of swearing (Compared to before) and there's angst and all sorts of goodies. In fact, If you are all even reading this, I give you all my pop tarts because I do not like pop tarts but I got a giant box full. Urg. Character death (Only mentioned) and people loose their virginity. (Only mentioned and really, only speculation Or is it?) I'm not proud to say that I can distinguish from 'III HAAATTTEEE LIIIIIFFFEEE! AAAAHHAHAAAAA!! (Sobs) I DO NOT CRAMP BUT FEEEEELLLL OVVVER EMOOOOTIONALLL!!!! AAAHHH!' to 'Oh dear. Why did the cat just slam into the sliding door? Mmm...breeze...'. And I'm pretty sure you can tell the difference as well.

Disclaimer: Crackes up laughing Oh...my-hahahaaa! Oh! You brightened my day! HA! But no, i do not own. Though I do love Raphael's muscular thighs, I do not own anything you recognize unless you've never seen them in the series or anything that legally has it in it. Um...I leave you to read now!

BEGIN STORY READING!!!

* * *

_**Miss Kitty Nori and the Loss of Something Great**_

November 10

Crap. I've been in the sewers for about five days. Oh sure, plenty of food. And a map. Lot's of map. I'm surprised Donnie hasn't picked up my blundering body on the screens yet. I'm kinda hard to miss. I mean, I'm YELLOW. Poncho, rubber gloves, outrageous pants I finally got to use, and rubber boots. Even yellow sunglasses to keep the water away from my eyeballs.

This is so fuckin' not cool. I'm currently sitting on a crate that, evidently, used to hold some…stuff. Hell, I can't even read the label. It's too dark now. I'm gonna pass out for a few. If I die, hopefully someone will find this. It'll make a cool book or documentary.

November 15

SHIT!!!!

November 16

Okay. I now know who took Nina. Er…the Foot Ninja's. Nina's safe and sleeping on my lap. Just peachy. While I was… 'gone' you could say, this lady named…uh…-lets just call her Judy. I can't remember her name. Judy sounds close though. Anyway, Judy decided to wreak havoc in NY and decided to kidnap Nina. Despite her claims of being honorable I requested to be locked up with Nina. Her oath didn't mean anything to me if she didn't include her ninja's.

November 17

Well, they have good food.

November 20

Judy sort of gave up on waiting for someone to come and rescue us. Apparently one went away and action's been pretty bad. We made a deal that I wouldn't mind being kidnapped again when the missing person came back. She sort of looked at me weird….but agreed.

November 28

Okay, either someone tried to break into our house via window, or the guys were trying to get to me. Either way, Nina's amazing siren of a voice scared them off.

June 10, 2008

Holy shit. I lost this thing and WHAMMO! I found it under the couch. I wonder how it got there…Looks around suspiciously Anywho, I'm 17 now. Nina's 7 and in the second grade. She's doing fantabously well. She got bullied for awhile because of her wig, but then we started buying ones of different styles and colors. We had so much fun with it, that she forgot about everyone else. And I told her that she was pretty cool for that.

Nothing much has been going on. Other than this dude in leather zippin' down the streets and stopping crime. Nina had stated out loud that she didn't understand how people could stand skin tight leather. She has a point. I mean, doesn't it shrink and rub? Eew….

Nina's birthday is in three days and I'm to attack Cowabunga Carl (The poor soul) and get him down for her birthday. Great god, I'm turning into my mother! AHHHH!

June 12

Well, nothing much to say other than we've been kidnapped. AGAIN. Though, really, it's only the second time in…forever. Nina had a panic attack and all these female…ahem _ninja's_ helped me calm her down. And then we all had a long chat over some tea and Oreo's. It was rather entertaining, really. I mean, they all came from messed up families and ran away to make a living for themselves. They all failed miserably and became whores. The Foot saved them and gave them something to live for.

And I must say, if I were to ever die, I'd wish for one of these girls to care for Nina. Especially Susan. She was quiet and shy, but obviously the ring leader of the group. She didn't say a single thing to convince to two of us to join. That's phenomenal character.

Well, I'm sleepy. Good night!

June 15

Well…It could be worse. I mean…fuck. It can't. I feel so bad for Nina. This year, it was gonna be a huge blowout. I was gonna get her a hedgehog and everything would be all better. Only, we're still her and no one's bothered to help us. Personally, I hate myself now for being the 'Damsel In Distress'. The new version, too! Complete with kid and missed birthdays! UUUAAAGGGHH!

June 20

What. The. Fuck. This is so fuckin' messed up! Okay, evidently, our 'Savior's were the Guys. And They've been apprehended! IN THE CELL NEXT TO US! Nina's been with Susan since they arrived. Which is perfectly fine, I just have to think of it as babysitting. I've never been so absolutely furious with someone like this.

June 23

The guy's have been trying to get me to talk to them. Leonardo and I got into an argument and I punched him a good one. Honestly, it seemed like he expected a thank you. I'm still so…angry.

June 26

No one has spoken to me. Vice Versa. Judy (Who's, I found out, real name is Karai) let Nina see me today. Only for three minutes too. She was crying and was so deep in shock, she couldn't speak. Susan's eyes were hooded and her mask covered her mouth. She was oath bound to silence, now.

June 30

They let her go but not me.

July 6

By now, Nina should be deep into the system. I can't…this can't be real. Karai said nothing would happen. I can't cry now. Not now.

July 16

It's raining today. Everything is exactly the same way we left it. In the apartment, I mean. Hold on, someone's at the door.

August 5

I'm in China. And that's not the best part. On my last entry, the police arrested me for the-ready for this? - Murder of Nina Black. It was on the news (For like, five seconds) and by some crazy and amazing chance, Grandma just _happened_ to be on the computer that just _happened_ to get the most random pop up of my five second story. And then she just _happened_ to arrive in America. Her... Ahem…_people_ managed to find Nina's…murderer and I was let go.

Yes, my grandma's got it good. I just realized that my Great Grandmother is 100. Wow. Time for me to become my guardian as she did for hers.

August 23

I woke up this morning and really realized that I was alone. Nina's been buried for quite awhile now, April and Casey where never truly there, and the guys. I don't know if someone's died or if they're happy. I've had to eat turtle while being a traditional, upper class noble. It was probably the cleanest…flesh I've ever eaten. I got 'violently' sick afterwards. Grandma just told everyone I was allergic. Bless the woman!

December 17

It's my birthday and Grandma said I could go to America for awhile. A month, in fact. As you can see, I'm not very happy. Haven't been for a long time and, evidently, that's how some men like their women. Like they can brighten up a world just for those negative women. And because of how Grandmother is, I have to sit there and listen to every last word that comes out of their mouths.

December 19

I really wish that I was upright right now. All the blood is rushing to my head and I can barely write. The Foot Clan decided to hand me upside down in the sewers. I've attracted one crocodile- Trust me, those aint legends, an army of rats, one colossal spider that was really just a lost Tarantula ( He's on my shoulder right now), and a pair of eyes that won't stop staring at me. Though, I do suppose it's rather stare-worthy to see a girl in full Chinese dress hanging upside down by her little boat shoed ankle. That's right. I'm wearing Boat shoes. Because my Grandmother told me too. Holy crap, more eyes have arrived. I'm really-

December 20

I woke up this morning, walked the all too familiar path to the kitchen, and saw something so unfamiliar and detested that I stood there for a moment. Raphael was sitting in a chair, head in his hands and shaking uncontrollably. And I knew exactly why and for a moment, I hated him for being able to feel something he shouldn't.

So I walked over to him, scared him half the death, and gave him a hug. And then I sat at the table and quietly ate my toast, reading the paper. He was so angry with me. And I ignored him, and that, quite frankly, just pushed him over the edge. He left in a flurry of angst after making me dodge a plate.

I knew why I began to truly hate him. It was because she was mine. He didn't even know her and he cried. She was mine and I still haven't. It's not fair. It's been over five months and I can't. It's just not fair.

December 24

Leonardo and I were left alone today and forced to talk. When fully alone, Leonardo would strive for companionship. That is what animals do. When alone, find another lost one. He started talking to me as if nothing had ever happened. Nothing bad, anyway. After awhile, he realized that I wouldn't be saying anything friendly, or for that matter, anything at all. That's when he wished me a Merry Christmas.

People deal with loss different ways. Denial, hate, anger, blame…the list goes on. I have always dealt with loss well. I see it; it registers, and is accepted. Nina's death went through the same process. Only, right then, when he simply stood up, turned, and walked away from me in that black hallway, I cried. I sat there with a pot of cold tea and sobbed.

December 25

Merry Christmas!

December 26

I ended up ripping apart my gown and using the different parts to make presents. It was kinda fun to remember how much fun I had doing arts and crafts. I also gave everyone hugs. Then, after all was resolved and everyone got sick of me apologizing, Mikey and I ran around and played a game of tag. Er…this was yesterday, just in case you (or I) Get confused. But yeah, it was fun! I've got a dinner and a call to make, ciao!

December 27

Today we visited Nina's grave and-guess what. No really. Guess. No, she wasn't cremated, you fool! Of course she was buried! Her grave had been ransacked, actually. It was all dug up and her cheap casket was all ripped up. I sort of stood there for a bit while everyone became absolutely panic and anger filled. Then I just sighed and turned right around and walked away.

December 28

There's been a string of murders with the bodies dumped in the sewers. Ooh. A rhyme. Kinda sounds like something you'd find in a song, anyway, life's been getting moderately better. Until that whole murder thing.

I sound like an uncaring son of a bitch. And I admit it. Because, quite plainly, I am. I just don't care. I'm sorry, I really am, but I just don't. I just- I wonder about their sanity. On both parties. Why the hell would you kill someone and why the hell would you let someone do that? Scream and be a racket even when they threaten to shoot you. Because- oh well! He may run away because he's scared (or she) or he may kill you and get caught! There's all sorts of scenario's where things could or could not happen!

Oh. My. I'm sorry but Donatello just walked by looking pretty angsty. I'll get back to you tomorrow. Promise.

December 29

Well, this is certainly a change in events. Donatello (Who's requested I call him 'Don' or 'Donny'. I won't. It's not what he introduced himself as) knew one of the girls. I don't know how, nor do I wish to delve deep into his psyche. But he cried a lot and I cried with him because I don't like seeing him unhappy. Mikey came in and I managed to make it look like I was the one at fault and he sort of left after a hug. Well…he left. Period.

Donatello loved her very much. He said that she was absolutely beautiful and even _knew_ what he looked like and didn't care. They were in love and nothing wrong had happened.

And then that whole murder thing started up.

So I spent the night with him and sang some rock ballads that just made him laugh. I promised not to tell anyone (Besides you, but he doesn't mind because he doubt's any one would really read you besides myself).

December 30

Leatherhead came by today with a live…thing….y. Dude. I sort of just sat there while the thing (They all told me it was female) hissed and threatened me. Or it sounded like it, I didn't understand a word it was saying. It looked like a human proportioned cat. More cat like that human. All furry and no clothes on. Well…technically, cats don't need clothes, now do they? For me, personally, the scariest thing about it was the eyes. So human. I mean, I always kinda get tripped out by human eyes. They look so beautiful and symmetrical, absolutely perfect in everyway.

I blinked about the same time she did because I saw her eye lids rise. We had been staring at each other.

Somebody cleared their throat and I glanced over. Mikey grinned and batted his eyelashes. Cat woman hissed and I raised an eyebrow. Talk continued and I zoned out, taking the time to analyze the scales that Leatherhead had or the little grey lines that were spider webbed throughout the tea cup I had in front of me. All in all, I was being a very quiet, Chinese woman worthy of a husband…y.

And then something weird happened. I kid you not when I say this. I found myself with a furry body lain across my lap and the sound of purring coming out of it's host. I had a cat lady curled around me with her tail constantly flicking in my line of vision. So I finally pet her and she passed out in glorious delirium.

Michelangelo and Raphael teased me saying I had a new 'girlfriend'. And I responded in a very sophisticated, _right_ way. I said, "From what I've seen, women are better.'

Like _that_ didn't cause any problems.

December 31

For the love of all things pleasantly unpleasant-I think I have a new girlfriend. Why do I think this? Well, this morning I had been standing by the fridge, right? Sort of hunched over on Leonardo's shell when-BAM! He was tackled away and I found myself in a cocoon of orange fur. Donatello said (From a distance because-evidently-my new girlfriend _really_ doesn't like men) that Leatherhead said that she said that she was at the human equivalent age of 15. So, I had an underage girlfriend who was a mutant cat and wasn't leaving me alone or snuggle up with Donatello (who really needs it still).

It seems that she can understand a little bit of English but can't speak it. So I told her that I needed to spend time with Donatello. I did this via massive skills with pointing and nods. She 'permitted' it but didn't leave us alone. She sort of just snuggled right up along with us. He was leaning against the arm rest with me on my stomach on his lap/belly with Miss kitty's head on my back. I passed out until about 3 in the afternoon and was alone on the couch. Good for them, they escaped.

I spied Miss Kitty at the entry way of the Dojo, sitting all kitty like and just watched, looking very bored and lethargic. I joined her and we were both avid stare-ers and blinkers. Of course this sort of freaked them out, but Master Splinter from the East Side, Yo saw it as a way to learn some kind of lesson that three of us didn't really care about. Hell, we didn't even have a single inkling of what it could be. But then we all ate dinner and felt very good and full.

Tonight though, when I stared up at that grey ceiling with the soft tinkling of music playing from Raphael's room (He couldn't go to sleep without it) I started crying. I'm talking about full on sobbing. The quiet kind where no one'll know or find out. I cried about missing my momma and dad, my sister, my poor, poor girl Nina, and for myself. Does that sound selfish? I was crying because I wasn't that happy, fun person I was. I've read this diary over and over again but I still can't see how I managed to be so happy.

It's two o clock in the morning and I miss my momma. I miss her so much.

January 1st

Happy New Year. Lack luster? I think so. Sorry, I'm tired. I cried too much last night so I've sapped all my strength. I slept in late this morning and Miss Kitty finally picked out a name for herself. 'Nori'. I sort of blinked at her and asked if she knew what that meant. She shook her head and I told her that I had a nickname for her, just between me and her. 'Seaweed'. Sue me for craving it.

In fact, I introduced her to seaweed and she didn't like it. In fact (again), she still preferred kitty food. She's just like that. So, here I am, Miss Kitty Nori over my shoulders like an overpriced dead skin, watching the special program about all those dead girls, and (As odd as it sounds) having Donatello wax my legs.

I'm tired, but I'm very happy.

January 3rd

I only have 12 days left before I have to leave back to China. Which means I may not be able to write most of the year. Oh? You want to know why Donatello was waxing my legs? Hmmm? Well, he wanted to collect DNA samples to see if I had anyone else I was related to IN the U.S. Or, more specifically, about two feet away from their home. So, I said 'Only if you wax my legs' and he said 'OKAY!'.

So, I now have salon inspired hairless legs (Without any bumps or anything!) and he has DNA samples. Samples Galore. Galore selpmas AND. Funny. DNA turns into AND which is 'and'. Hmm…weird…

Anywho, besides that, nothing's really happened. Oh wait, Yesterday I got an angry phone call from Nina's biological mother. I got tired of her yelling and screaming at me and sort of just…laid the phone down on the table. At one point Raphael picked up the phone and started arguing back at her. Even though he had no idea what was going on and what had happened. Though, I have to give him credit, I mean-I think he short circuited the phone. And I let him too, feeling content to just hear him yelling.

January 4

Today I didn't do anything but sort all the quarters, pennies, dimes, nickels, and golden dollars from each other and put them in their own little…cardboard-ish paper cylinder… things... Seaweed helped me by closing an end before I started filling them up. It was a mind consuming job that didn't take much thought.

Does that make any sense? Well, goodnight!

January 5

Well, today I found out that Raphael got laid. Last night. No, it wasn't with anyone in the-house? Sewers? Um…OH! Lair! It wasn't with anyone in the lair. In fact, I was the first one to see him and that also means _smell_. When you smell it the first time, the only thing you can think of is 'sex' it just simply smells like sex. And pheromones. He was still kinda sweaty like he finished up another round before coming back.

Seaweed, despite her slightly confused self of orientation, practically attacked him. Well, more like rubbed against him in a way that made me cover my eyes with one hand and pull her away with the second. But she liked the smell and he had to lock the door when he took a shower.

The funny thing is, is that I went up to Donatello today and licked him on the cheek. I know, weird sounding. But I asked him before hand and stared at him for a long time before doing it. I licked him then kind of did a 'clack' with my tongue. And then I asked him why he tasted like a mixure of man and female sweat.

Today was the day I also found out that Donatello wasn't as shy as he normally was in bed. And no, I do not speak from personal experience.

In fact, Seaweed looked a bit scandalized.

January 6

I should really just be happy that no one's pregnant.

January 7

I _really_ should.

January 8

It was the epitome, essence, embodiment of cold. Or more like freezing. It was the first day the cold had been able to get past Donatello's magnificent heater and have me awaken with Seaweed, Raphael, an unknown body, Leonardo, Michelangelo, _Another_ unknown body, Donatello, and Master Splinter all piled together. On me. Or, more specifically and correct, _around_ me. Seaweed had curled around my head so I had a new pillow, her tail keeping my neck warm. You know, I would really like to tell you who was who and whom was touching what area, but I really couldn't. I do know that Master Splinter had the tips of his foot claws on my ankle and that he was perched on two shells.

THAT'S ALL I KNOW!!!

And you know what? They slept all day. Except for Seaweed and Master Splinter. He just got up and went to his own room while Seaweed got food.

And right now? Right now I'm writing on top of someones head that's on my chest. My hurting, bony, bruised feeling chest. Ow.

Seaweed cannot communicate to me who the unidentifiable bodies are. Hell, she doesn't even know what unidentifiable is. I hereby make a note.

HEREBY NOTE NUMBER 1 – TEACH NORI MANY, MANY WORDS AND HOW TO USE THEM!!

I'm going back to sleep after I finish my goldfish.

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A/N 

Today I woke up this morning and decided to be very productive. I wrote 3 pages in one hour ( I know, if I wrote like that normally, this story would've been finished already), watched Nightmare Before Christmas, folded all this laundry that was brarely my own, and did the aforementioned penny, dimes, nickles, and quarters thing. And I've only had two poptarts today! WOOT! YOU GO SURGARY FILLED SWEETS THAT WILL GIVE ME DIABETES! I DON'T EVEN LIKE HOW YOU TASTE! RAWR!!!

Okay, now please, I beg of you, review. I've got more. I really do.


	6. Where The Bad Things Happen

If you read the stuff I put here, I applaud you. No, I'm serious. I'm clapping right now! I just did! Er-anywho, I know what's about to happen may seem a little too soon.

And no, It doens't have anything to do with the rating **'NC-17'**. None at all. So take that. MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAA! I bet some people just looked because of the bold. Why, hello non reader uppers that are reading this! Please reivew!

Anyway, If you say 'TOO YOUNG!" or "FUCK YEAH! YOU ROCK!" I will respond with a "That's how old Tutu lady was" or a "THANK YOU!"

And beforehand, I apologize for all the 'Ands' and 'thens'. I really do. That's just how I talk, and I was aiming for a sort of 'mindless chatter on pages that are of dead tree's' sort of thing. And (See?) I also apologize if it seems to jump around a lot. And that Donatello moved on REEEAAALLY quick. I'll get to that in the next chapter, promise! I'm sorry, I really, really am. I'm just all spazzy and stressed. I've only got a few more weeks of Summer Vay-Cay and I get muscle knots. It's like a back of rope that's full of knots. LIke...rope coiled up that has knots all the way through it and- (Answering Machine Cuts Author Off)

Disclaimer: I own Nori/Seaweed, my character, and stuff.

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Otherwise labled:

The Vague Feeling of Impending Doom

January 9

It seemed that both Raphael and Donatello brought their Ahem **Girlfriends **down the same night, only to find everyone asleep and cuddled with me already. So, being drunk and irrational, they all just piled in like I was a sack full of pillows.

Fuck that.

And then the girls freaked out about Seaweed. And not about the fact that she was a Kitty human, but because I was on my belly underneath her. Reading a book. Now, I may not be the kind of person to get angry-well, **Angry** angry- but when one shrieked out 'Lesbian fag', I sort of lost it. In fact, so did Seaweed. She launched herself at them and I had to do a weird body flip to stop her from scratching out their eyeballs. I heard them both cackle and let my lesbian fag of a 'girlfriend' go, crossing my arms and loving the sickening crunch as Nori bit a girls arm.

And then we both got in trouble as all five guys/men/Master Splinter (Who's on the albino rappeh show. Yo!) came in and saw the figurative and literal cat fights going on. Raphael and Donatello started yelling at Seaweed and I as Master Splinter yelled at everyone else for everyone to (One at a time) tell him our sides.

We actually had to switch our seating arrangement several times. The first, we had been sitting at the traditional style Japanese table, Seaweed launched herself over it and barreled over the girl across from her. I sort of glared at my opponent while the others tried to separate them. The second was when one said a complete lie and even her friend gave her a 'WTF' look. It was like a punch in those movies. I just raised my fist and hit her straight on. Granted, she was sitting beside me so she didn't blow back twenty, or thirty feet, but it still hurt her. The third was when Seaweed used Raphael's head to slam into Blondie's that slammed into Brownie's that slammed into the wall.

I'd never been hit over the head by a rat before and neither had Seaweed. It was a rather unusual experience. We actually bumped fists with each other afterwards, not scared or hurt in the least. We were still angry.

Now they were sitting far away from us. Seaweed was seated between the wall and Leonardo. Okay, you want arrangements? It was like this. Head of Table: Master Splinter from the Ooze yo. Then from right to left with Master Splinter at the head of the table on the Right side ( like turning a pencil so the pointy tip is on your right). Pretend you are looking at them. Anywho, it was Me, then Michelangelo, Blondie, and Donatello. Now pretend you're looking at the other side of the table with Master Splinter on your left. It was Nori, Leonardo (Already covered that), Raphael, and Brownie. That way, Nori couldn't leap across the table without being caught and neither Donatello or Raphael could hurt us.

Oh my. This entry is becoming rather long. Oh well! HAHAHAHAHAHAAA!

Anywho, we ended up having a problem because Nori was having problems communicating so we had to call Leatherhead and have him on speaker phone as a spokesperson. Dude. It was like we were at court. Despite the situation, it was rather cool.

And, needless to say, Raphael and Donatello were pissed when they found out that Nori and my story was legit and the real one.

We cackled like crazy people before passing out on the couch again.

January 10

Isn't it odd? I've changed so much over a span of one month. I mean, I'm happy, perky, have a new girlfriend that I don't really want but she won't leave me alone, a few enemies, a 'I hate Mei' fan club very suddenly started, and currently wearing jeans and a tank top.

I'm not allowed to wear jeans and tank tops in China.

Why do I sound so content and not upset with Raphael and Donatello? Why? Oh, my dear, dear friend, I am pleased that I will be able to get married and that I can see the sunlight whenever I want. Bitter? Oh yes, I still retain that trait like water. Water retention. What a weird thing. I heard it happens to older women who have salt martini's or something weird like that.

Back to bitterness. I've always been bitter. I'm a 'Woman's fury like hell hath not' kind of female. I have been scorned and I am angry. **YES** still! They guys shouldn't be around women who're just as bad as me! AAARRGGG!!

Now look at what you've done! I'm no longer content! AAAH!

January 11

Four more days left before I leave. Including right now. Isn't that depressing? Nori/Seaweed/Miss Kitty/Lesbian fag/hiss understood that I would be leaving for a long period of time. I told her I'd come back around the same time next year and that I'd write a lot of letters. She then heartily stated that she will also write.

And very suddenly, I was reminded of Nina.

January 13

OH. MY. GOD. They told them **everything**.

January 14

Ohmygod. Blondie and Brownie told everyone everything. This is my last day and I've taken a ten minute brake from talking to news reporters. I've so far managed to get the public on our side, but I'm not gonna be here long enough to make sure it stays that way.

On the third interview, it felt like a political debate. It wasn't until I told her that I took two years of debate class (Lie) and that I was in the debate club (Lie), AND that I'd win (no lie) did she back off. While being filmed, this random woman practically attacked me saying, "If they're so 'trusting' why don't they come out and face us?!" and I said, "Back the fuck off because you're one of the reasons they aint commin' up." I got bleeped and a glare from both women.

Interview nine was my favorite. The girl seemed a bit nervous and couldn't stop staring at Seaweed (Whom I stuck a cute white dress on. Just in case). After I told her Seaweeds name, The girl sort of took control and new exactly what she was doing. It went like this:

"Ms. Yung, how is it that you came to live with these creatures?" –Nice Lady

"Call me Mei, please. They saved me and let me live with them. Voluntarily." -Me

"On which side?"

Laughing (…right.)

"Their all strapping young men that don't deserve to be hated simply because of who they are." -Me

"I agree." -Seaweed

"What exactly are they?"

"Genetically messed up humanoid Turtles."

Random giggle from Seaweed.

"How did that happened?" –Nice Lady

"If I told you that, there'd be more messed up humanoid people running around."

"How do you feel about having them turned out into the open?"  
"I feel that it's probably one of the worst things ever to happen. There's a lot of people who can't look past differences. It's like Grey Goose Vodka. If you don't look past the pretty picture, you don't really realize Vodka's really clear." –I sort of got a really weird look on this one.

Because we were being interviewed outside, people were protesting and being obnoxious. At one point, this dude threw a grenade. Nori caught it in one hand, not even looking, and let it continue it's descent right at him.

On all news channels, that part was replayed, only to come back to my somewhat disturbed, open mouthed stare at Nori. I cracked up laughing during another interview when they asked me if I found it insulting that another station compared me to Capt. Jack Sparrow in the Third Movie when his boat was being moved by crabs. Of course not!

So, my day wasn't very fun and nobody but Nice Lady was nice and respectful.

This was so not cool! I can't help them from China!! ARGH!

February 15

It's really boring here and my Grandma has officially named me her successor in absolutely everything. And I mean **Everything**. Oh yeah, The guys are doing great! They have a cartoon, clothing line, stores galore, practically everyone on their side, and numerous threats on their lives that didn't go through because Raphael is now going through the Police academy and is kickin' ass.

Seaweed sent me a two page letter about the different kinds of cheese and tea she wanted me to bring back and that she loves me a lot.

March 23

Long time no see. No, Grandma hasn't died! She doesn't plan to for another six years. I went to a fancy dinner last night and I met a man (who wasn't even Chinese at all!) who's like….my age and isn't really a man at all. In the sense of 'MAN' and 'GUY MY AGE', he's the latter. He was really sweet and we barely understood each other. And his name is Ken….something….um…yeah. Well, we're both on the 'Turtle's side and Grandma says he has a super clean record (She knows people who knows people who can do backround checks) and that I could show an interest if I wanted to.

Damn right I will.

June 15

I think Grandma just told me that I'm gonna get married to someone.

Oh. My. God.

June 16

Yep. I'm being fixed to marry Ken Fujisaki. Why do I sound so calm? Easy, I can't stop it. And He's a good guy, we'll be fine and do stupid things together. The bad thing is…that Ken doesn't want to marry me as much as I want to marry him. We talked this afternoon and agreed it was in our best interests to marry, but that it also felt like we were marrying a cousin. That we new very, very well.

It was all our guardians fault.

July 12

Um…I know, I haven't been writing a lot and you must be very confused, but I only write when someone interesting actually happens. Like today. Today I learned that I was having a 6 part wedding. And I was signed up for a TV program about weddings and what people went through. The camera caught my, "Excuse me?" and Ken's, "Say wha'?" And then our frozen disbelief as women started dancing around and **singing **with different styles of _White_ for the cake or my dress or something…stupid.

After an hour of firing and hiring, the two left over women finally agreed that I would be wearing two dresses. And they would be making neither. The first was my great grandmothers dress on my momma's mother's side that needed to be Ahem 'fixed' in order to 'accommodate' my size. Nana had been married at like-16 and was a size 0. My second was my momma's dress that fit just right. Nana's I would actually get married in and Momma's would be at the ceremony so I could actually breathe and move.

I know, it sounds like I've been planning. Well I've had no choice. I'm currently writing on top of a fabric book.

OH MY GOD! I'M OOOOLLLLDDD!!! (In a sense)

August 24

For the past month, everything's been happening so quickly that I've lost weight from being too tired to eat after having to sit through another wedding seminar. I mean, it's not like that I'm doing anything during them, but I can't pass out because I'm the only one there.

After I passed out on the floor when playing the cat-What? The floor was comfortable!-Ken sort of freaked and cut off all seminars.

If I'm getting married to anyone, I'm glad it's him. He shares my pain!!!

August 25

Great. Guest lists. The first ones I jotted down was Grandma (Duh) and then the guys. Then I had to call family to make sure I didn't forget them or if I should invite this person. Aunty Kathy just sent me the family tree. In five e-mails. She put X's by the one's that were dead.

This is insane. It is. It really is. I don't think I'm old enough to get married. Well-never mind. Technically, I'm half an adult. I'm eighteen. Oh my god. That means the guys are too! Dude.

August 31

Ken said that he has no idea where to have the wedding. We're not allowed to have it in Hawaii, Canada, Kansas, Florida, New York, or in the back yard. We don't have a back yard anyway. Oh, why are we 'not allowed'? It was a mutual decision because we'd like to be safe and not have it in a place where most people go. We could have in here in China, but then about 75 of our list will have to fly over. So, China _and_ Japan are crossed out for now. I said no to California because the air will kill everyone. That's when we got kinda stuck. Where the hell are we supposed to have it now?

Then we agreed on Florida, even though it was on the 'No no' list. Ken's passed out on the bed with all his clothes still on and not even under the covers. I had to pull off his tie and shoes to make sure none of us die in the night.

Good night! I love you and I really don't feel like getting married at the moment!

September 3

Most of the people on the list said 'hell yeah'. Or…more like checked the box. And we've changed the location of the Wedding. It's gonna be in California (Where we're all gonna die from lack of air) and have it in this park-y place that has all these rare tree's and expensive flowers. It's really pretty and it's where momma and dad (Step) had their own wedding.

When is the wedding you say? Oh, well it's gonna be October (like mom and dad's) and on the 16th (Also like mom and dad's). I suppose it's unusual that my Fiancé was the one that came up with the month and date. How odd.

I'm going to California to visit with Family and the guys are going to come and live with my Aunty Kathy for awhile (She insisted and is a total fan girl of them. Even though she's a little over fifty. It's probably their success. I hope.) despite the fact that my Uncle Eric likes to go hunting. He has two deer heads on the wall and a stuffed duck tucked somewhere. And a fake deer outback, resembling a pincushion with arrows. They don't like guns. And I should be really happy about that.

Only, now I'm more worried. They might not approve and it's not exactly a hard thing to hide. I mean, it's not like it's collapsible!

I sound like this wedding is my life. Oh, the TV people say hi. They're not allowed to talk or interact, but they smile sometimes when their not busy trying not to laugh. Sigh CURSE YOU GRANDMA FOR SIGNING US UP! I CURSE YOU WITH LONG LIFE!!!

October 1st

The TV people are finally gone!!! YAY! Only, They'll be there on the wedding and In California four days after me. I think.

October 2nd

And I'm in California and we didn't have enough room for all the turtles and Master Splinter in the car. So we had to Call Uncle Eric (Who just got off hunting. Where? I dunno. I didn't even know you could hunt in October) in all his hunting attire, covered in old blood stains (From deer). He had been washing out the back of the truck. Now, you need to understand that it's not easy getting mutated animals to a parking lot. Let alone the airport. Uncle Eric probably broke every single law via driving just to keep me from getting mauled by accident. Aunty Kathy was fine, she had one of those heavy, hard plastic suitcases that she could use as a club.

I climbed in the back with all the turtles when we got to the truck. The thing you need to understand, is the fact that it's a closed space. Like, there's a top on it. Y'know? Okay, right. Well, there was still some blood splatters that made the truck look possessed. And the guys were in Suits. Special, fitted suits that made them look extra business like and nice. And then Master Splinter was wearing a new robe and his stick was in his suitcase.

And you know what else?

Raphael got lacy undergarments thrown at him. Oh yeah. LACY and UNDERGARMENT in one sentence.

Everyone was sort of silent for awhile, not sure what to say. Finally, Aunty Kathy slid our little 'window' open from the front seat and started engaging them all in conversation. It was an odd feeling to feel so happy and painfully blank in my mind. I could smell the blood, hear them, and find little traces of my momma's voice in Aunty Kathy's loud, boisterous laugh.

I know, it sounds very depressing, but it felt so good.

Well, we got home in one piece and Megan and Kelly were shocked. There were a few awkward minutes until I pounced on Mikey and made him carry me. Megan and Kelly hit it off just fine and asked how long they were staying.

This is how it went:

"How long are you guys staying?"  
"About two months." –Leonardo.

"What?" –Aunty Kathy.

"We have a meeting with…people." –Michelangelo.

"Are you going to miss the wedding?" –Megan.

And then something really weird happened.

"What wedding?"- Donatello.

I sort of just bit my lips together and looked at the fridge in all it's picture laden glory. Uncle Eric, Aunty Kathy, Megan, and Kelly all looked at me like, "WTF?"

The explosion of sound that came from them after I told them I was getting married made Uncle Eric swear and move to stand in front of me, the poor man. And then I realized. They might've gotten the letter at all! FUCK! In fact, that's what I yelled. And I got slapped over the head with a stick and nearly did a face plant on the tile. I was caught by Raphael by the waist band of my pants. I just hung there for a minute, feeling very, very sad and depressed.

Kelly told them about it and they said they _might_ be able to go. Master Splinter was the only one that said, "I'M GOING!"

October 10th

Okay, I swear. Nothing has been going on. NOTHING! But Ken's arrived and everyone loves him, so it's all good. The guys are still MIA in the coming department. Uncle Eric is gonna lead me down the isle and the wedding ring is gonna be carried down by Seaweed. Who's still MIA. Master Splinter said he'd go get her himself, actually. So…maybe she's not MIA. More like…not here. NH shall stand for it.

The wedding people who record stuff is here again. And driving me insane.

They were watching me type and at one point I slammed my head against the computer and 'sobbed' slightly in frustration.

Ken sort of backed up slowly, scared I had just snapped. Then came back with cake samples.

Which reminds me. I picked out a cake already. It's the only thing outta place, so it's gonna be noticed. It's called 'Mad Hatter'. It's got all these boxes/hats piled on top of eachother and some are striped or dotted. It's really cool and clashes with everything. Including itself. Which is beyond snazzy.

Did I just write the word 'Snazzy'? I think I did…

October 13

Nori is here and is getting a long fine with everyone and very much likes Ken. She actually let me sleep with him. _Alone_. That's a big thing for her. But during the day, she snuggles and acts like I'm hers.

At the wedding, she's gonna be wearing a nice, white dress. And that's it. She refused shoes by hissing at them and making a large scene. Hell, I even freaked a little. Shoes? Hell nah. And guess what? The guys said they could come. Of course, they said that they wanted me to "Approve of something". It makes me suspicious. Really suspicious. Like, "What. The. Fuck." I said it out loud too. So the people had to bleep me out. I was so serious, Ken sort of just snorted behind his newspaper. Sent exclusively from Japan. Y'know…gotta keep up with the inner goings of his home…..planet area.

I'm still suspicious. Very much so. I'm also concerned and hope that they didn't sign up for anything stupid. No, I don't mean movies! Honestly…the first one is on hold for my wedding. Or the 'meeting'. Depends which one the guys deem 'more important'. This is only like…the only October, 16th wedding I'll ever be the bride too.

Notice how I didn't say 'Only wedding'.

I have to insure stuff to myself, y'know. Ken and I have actually planned it out if it really, really, _really_ doesn't work out.

No. It doesn't involve someone pretending to die and comes back to life after marrying a woman that looks like me but then turns out to be a murderer and the woman is actually me, but because I have amnesia, I don't remember. No. That will not be happening. EVER.

It's more like Pre-nup and Divorce. For the Pre-nup, if I actually _earn_ money and raise the…shiver **kid(s)** more than well, I get like…40 of whatever the hell we own. That way, I haven't killed him and he won't really mind it. Besides, we can't hate each other. We're not mean enough to. Heheee!

October 15

The guys have arrived and are staying at a hotel. Master Splinter had to rip himself away from Aunty Kathy, saying that he needed to spend some time with his sons. All in all, it was a rather teary and caught on tape goodbye. Uncle Eric was driving him there and hid himself behind the map as he laughed.

Ahhh, the sound of 'ERIC JAMES!' is still the best of all I've heard. My approval of 'Something' has yet to be given. I mean, I haven't seen it yet.

And Ken is fine. He's not even nervous. Well-that's a lie. He's nervous about his family approving of the 'Americanized wedding'. I told him that if they didn't like it, we'd do another all 'Japanized' It took him a second for his brain to translate my made up word but-oh well. We exchanged kisses and went back to our own things.

Oh yeah, Nana's dress came today and I fit into it now. With a Corset. I'm talkin' full on lung crushing, bowel moving corset. It's that bad. And I was told that I needed to sleep in it. HOLEH CRAP!!!

NUUUUUU!!!

God dammit!

October 16

5:30 PM

Urg…I'm tired. And I hurt. Everything hurts. Except my tongue and my eyes and my….nose. Yeah. Except for them. The lady that's working on my hair is nice, but her hands hurt. She's lucky I'm writing or I'd be-OOOOWW!-screaming. And I'm all nostalgic because this is where my momma got ready. Everyone's all 'It's gonna be okay! Nothings gonna go wrong!'. Except for Aunty Kathy, she understands.

And to think, We're already here and the wedding isn't until 7. AHHHH! SHE'S DOING MY EYEBROWS! HEEELLPPP!!! SON OF A BIT-

6:00PM

Should I be worried that there's a tour group filled with children currently tromping through my wedding place?

6:30

I think I should. Fuck.

6:45

Holy shit! The people that work here are awesome! Everythings even more perfect than how it was! Did that make any sense? Er-Kids demolished area, worker people freaked out, Lady that's still doing my hair screamed at them to hurry up or they'll have to refund it, dust cleared and everything was pretty again.

Oh yes, the Hair Lady is also the boss of the place we're at. Isn't that remarkable? She's a good hairdresser too.

Aaaaannnddd….I'm finished! Wow. I look great. Kewl…Woah…difference? I think so.

7:20

WHAT THE FUCK?!

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Oh yes. I went there. Take that. 

And no, I love gay's and lesbian's. In fact, just last year...or two-in the 8th grade, I was teased by my friend and called a Lesbian. I can't help if I'f I'm clingy and love to hug. I know. Scary thing for a dude that has a clingy girlfriend. I just like to snuggle. So my snuggling side is shown Via Seaweed.

Review! Please! People are reading but not reviewing! Please.

Saga123

LOVES!


	7. Sexual Innueno's Galore

**Okay, look, I apologize for how short this one is. But I can't really get anything out. Someone give me ideas. And no, no one can die. Except Master Splinter. And Mei's Great, Grandmother. They're old. Like crazy. But here I am, ASKING for ideas that I will more than LIKELY use. MORE than likely. Likley. likly. Licky? Er-Anyway...**

**I know this is drifting from the TMNT fandom. Kinda, and I really want it to slam back into it. Only I have no idea how to do such a thing. Hell, I'm so desperate, I'll even lug someone's original character in. A quicky. Like-OHMIGOD! A BIRD JUST SLAMMED INTO MY SCREEN! AHHHHH! No, really! It just did!**

**...Er, so yeah, a character I can easily dispose of(Like, they leave), have fun with, and will forcibly bring Mei back into the picture. Kidnapping Mei sounds great, but that's quote unquote 'Already happened'. Even the unlikely pregnant woman. Girl...teen...person. And s/he can't be flat. They've gotta have 'cool', 'WTF?' and 'Close you're mouth' things going on. Can't be perfect, can't be an absolute blumbering fool. I hope someone read this, because I'm only have one slot. if this inspires me, You'll probably end up with two chapters. Or one really long one. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own most of what you see here. MOST. **

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Chapter 7

AKA

Sexual Innuendo's Galore

**October 17**

Guess what happened. No. Really. Fu-OF COURSE I had a fantastic wedding night! I've had a healthy night full of sex. That's what people do on their wedding nights. Anyway, guess what the fuckin' Turtle Ninja's did. Oh no, they didn't cause a riot. No. Blondie and Brownie were there. Yep. They. Were. Fuckin'. There!

The priest had to rush through all the vows because the Brides maid's were having problems keeping Nori from hissing and trying to leap on the girls. I really would've given them a second chance if they didn't hiss back and pretend that they didn't do anything when Nori got loose.

Especially since it wasn't Nori's fist that got me in the stomach. Granted, it didn't really hurt, but the fact that it was aimed made me furious.

You should really be proud of me because I managed to pull Nori back and away from them. Honestly, I think I should have let her have her fun and pretend like I couldn't stop it. Donatello apologized over and over again, like he couldn't control his Bitch. Oh yeah. You heard it. A new wife referring to a girlfriend as a bitch. You better hope you never come across me when I'm angry. This? All the shit I'm writing and how bad I feel? This isn't anger. Anger in my book is the ultimate feeling that will mean that I'll have to be a serial killer if I feel it. I know, odd.

But I'm still fuckin' pissed!

And one of them actually made Raphael apologize. Actually, he went up to us and apologized in this quiet, sad tone. I looked at him for a long moment, incredulous. Here's how it went:

SLAP!

"FUCK!"

"Exactly! What the hell's the matter with you?! You don't apologize!"

"She told me too!"

"I'm tryin' ta keep this PG so fuckin' make your girlfriend leave!"

"FUCK YOU!"

"NO! I'm MARRIED!"

And then there was more sexual innuendo's that made Grandma and Master Splinter whack me hard with their canes. Oh yes. Just me. Not the insufferable girls and their boyfriends.

AND THEN people got after me for 'making a scene'. Ken was the only one that said to me "Don't worry, I'll win any lawsuit." And I knew that meant that I could beat the crap outta them and feel good about it.

So I'm back at Aunty Kathy's and sitting in the guest bedroom. And I'm trying really, really hard not to cry.

**October 18**

Well, I failed last night. I cried and cried and Ken had to sit there and cuddle me until I stopped. It was all very depressing and no one bothered me thinking I was just 'happy' or 'excited'. Michelangelo visited today though. He sat down beside me and said that he thought they were bitches anyway. Then we cracked up and I felt better.

He finally got me into my momma's wedding dress and I let him piggy back me out and about the yard. And then he handed me off to Ken who tossed me into the bounce house and we jumped around like little kids. I'm proud to say the TV people were there along with the Photographer. I mean, I was smiling and bouncing and…flowy.

I think Aunty Kathy put everything on hold just so I'd be able to enjoy it. I'm still surprised that she managed to choreograph everything so everyone could be there at the exact same time.

Wow. That woman really does know everything. Ooer.

**October 20**

The Chinese and Japanese side of the family didn't really like the wedding (Who did?) and has demanded that we do the traditionals of both. Holy crap, this so isn't fun. But on the bright side, I get to use family…. 'dresses' you could say.

'Cool' or 'nice' you say. I say 'Hot' and 'GOD! NOOOO!'. There's some things money can't buy. For everything else, there's customs. Yeah, not very funny, but really, If I knew all this would happen, I just woulda never let myself get kidnapped in the first place. I know, I could wish for the one thing that inadvertently made all this happen…but I never wish for something that may come true. Someone or something could be listening and make it happen.

Could you imagine? Nina would still be dead (Only I wouldn't know her), People would be so very different, My sister and parents would still be alive, and the world would just be one person closer to being healthy.

Very depressing, I know, but I'm on my period now. Things just happen. I'm lucky it didn't happen on my wedding night. Ewww. I did not just go there. Ew.

Well, now we know where all that angst and furious-ness came from!

And the TV people are gone until the other wedding's happen. They just need clips and then interview us at the end. It won't be aired until we're done. God. That poor show and their workers. They had no idea what they were dealing with.

**October 21**

Master Splinter has shown his dislike for the girls. Oh. My. GAWD! Disappointment?! From Master Splinter?! NOO! But-oh yes. You wanna know how he did? Mwahahahaaa! Let's see:

"HI!"

"Hello."

"I'm retar-"

Okay, I'm lying, that's not how it went.

"Hello, Master Splinter." The two schemers said at the same time.

"Hello." –All calm and just trying to get some Sushi.

"Do you like it?" –Talking about Sushi.

"I have no idea. I have yet to eat it." –or something Master Splinter-y…I dunno.

"Aren't all the tan people here nice?"

"Very." –Uh oh…patience going…heheee!

"They're all family, I think that's super cool."  
"Don't you have your own?"- Fuck. Wow. You go Master Splinter.

"Of course! Ours is way better!"

"Forgive me if I doubt."

Then, evidently, Kelly choked on her wine and lived to tell the tale. Seeing as she's the one that told me. But yeah. Master Splinter is hard core. I still can't believe that he said that. In fact, just a few minutes ago, I heard him say "I can't believe myself'. Like it was a bad thing.

Oh, don't worry, revenge is still working itself out. They've all done something to ruffle everyone's feathers. Starting with ruining my wedding.

Oddly enough, now that I think about it, Grandma (Writing the whole time takes too much time. Like me writing this. Lalalaaa….time waster) had only rolled her eyes up to the sky and sighed as a cup whizzed by her face. 'How could I have not noticed this?!'you may rave. I say 'I was a bit busy'. So…too bad. You're hearing it now.

Wait. I don't even know her maiden name. For a present (YAY!), I'll have her maiden name as my kids middle name. Along with the whole…shebang that means there won't be enough name slots for my poor, poor kid.

And no, I'm not pregnant. Hell nah. Ken and I have agreed that we'd have one when I'm like…25 or something weird like that. Or at least 21. We want our kid to be able to get to know everyone.

Yeah, that's it. No, I don't know if the guys have a movie coming out. Ye-STFU!

**October 26**

Well…nothing's been going on. No. really. Nothing. I mean, sure. Everyone left, we got great wedding presents, we have to do the wedding over a few times, the camera people are gone (officially), and I somehow ended up with a dress that was Hawaii's state flag. Don't know how it happened, but it looks okay.

I know, What the fuck.

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**See how short that was? I know! I feel horrible about it! It's not even my best work! Or...anything. I was floundering like Kitty does on his back with your foot on his belly (Don't worry, it doesn't hurt him)! IDEA'S! ONE CHARACTER FROM ONLY ONE PERSON! HELP!**


	8. OC Search is no longer valid

**Okay, look, I apologize for how short this one is. But I can't really get anything out. Someone give me ideas. And no, no one can die. Except Master Splinter. And Mei's Great, Grandmother. They're old. Like crazy. But here I am, ASKING for ideas that I will more than LIKELY use. MORE than likely. Likley. likly. Licky? Er-Anyway...**

**I know this is drifting from the TMNT fandom. Kinda, and I really want it to slam back into it. Only I have no idea how to do such a thing. Hell, I'm so desperate, I'll even lug someone's original character in. A quicky. Like-OHMIGOD! A BIRD JUST SLAMMED INTO MY SCREEN! AHHHHH! No, really! It just did!**

**...Er, so yeah, a character I can easily dispose of(Like, they leave), have fun with, and will forcibly bring Mei back into the picture. Kidnapping Mei sounds great, but that's quote unquote 'Already happened'. Even the unlikely pregnant woman. Girl...teen...person. And s/he can't be flat. They've gotta have 'cool', 'WTF?' and 'Close you're mouth' things going on. Can't be perfect, can't be an absolute blumbering fool. I hope someone read this, because I'm only have one slot. if this inspires me, You'll probably end up with two chapters. Or one really long one. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own most of what you see here. MOST. **

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Chapter 7

AKA

Sexual Innuendo's Galore

**October 17**

Guess what happened. No. Really. Fu-OF COURSE I had a fantastic wedding night! I've had a healthy night full of sex. That's what people do on their wedding nights. Anyway, guess what the fuckin' Turtle Ninja's did. Oh no, they didn't cause a riot. No. Blondie and Brownie were there. Yep. They. Were. Fuckin'. There!

The priest had to rush through all the vows because the Brides maid's were having problems keeping Nori from hissing and trying to leap on the girls. I really would've given them a second chance if they didn't hiss back and pretend that they didn't do anything when Nori got loose.

Especially since it wasn't Nori's fist that got me in the stomach. Granted, it didn't really hurt, but the fact that it was aimed made me furious.

You should really be proud of me because I managed to pull Nori back and away from them. Honestly, I think I should have let her have her fun and pretend like I couldn't stop it. Donatello apologized over and over again, like he couldn't control his Bitch. Oh yeah. You heard it. A new wife referring to a girlfriend as a bitch. You better hope you never come across me when I'm angry. This? All the shit I'm writing and how bad I feel? This isn't anger. Anger in my book is the ultimate feeling that will mean that I'll have to be a serial killer if I feel it. I know, odd.

But I'm still fuckin' pissed!

And one of them actually made Raphael apologize. Actually, he went up to us and apologized in this quiet, sad tone. I looked at him for a long moment, incredulous. Here's how it went:

SLAP!

"FUCK!"

"Exactly! What the hell's the matter with you?! You don't apologize!"

"She told me too!"

"I'm tryin' ta keep this PG so fuckin' make your girlfriend leave!"

"FUCK YOU!"

"NO! I'm MARRIED!"

And then there was more sexual innuendo's that made Grandma and Master Splinter whack me hard with their canes. Oh yes. Just me. Not the insufferable girls and their boyfriends.

AND THEN people got after me for 'making a scene'. Ken was the only one that said to me "Don't worry, I'll win any lawsuit." And I knew that meant that I could beat the crap outta them and feel good about it.

So I'm back at Aunty Kathy's and sitting in the guest bedroom. And I'm trying really, really hard not to cry.

**October 18**

Well, I failed last night. I cried and cried and Ken had to sit there and cuddle me until I stopped. It was all very depressing and no one bothered me thinking I was just 'happy' or 'excited'. Michelangelo visited today though. He sat down beside me and said that he thought they were bitches anyway. Then we cracked up and I felt better.

He finally got me into my momma's wedding dress and I let him piggy back me out and about the yard. And then he handed me off to Ken who tossed me into the bounce house and we jumped around like little kids. I'm proud to say the TV people were there along with the Photographer. I mean, I was smiling and bouncing and…flowy.

I think Aunty Kathy put everything on hold just so I'd be able to enjoy it. I'm still surprised that she managed to choreograph everything so everyone could be there at the exact same time.

Wow. That woman really does know everything. Ooer.

**October 20**

The Chinese and Japanese side of the family didn't really like the wedding (Who did?) and has demanded that we do the traditionals of both. Holy crap, this so isn't fun. But on the bright side, I get to use family…. 'dresses' you could say.

'Cool' or 'nice' you say. I say 'Hot' and 'GOD! NOOOO!'. There's some things money can't buy. For everything else, there's customs. Yeah, not very funny, but really, If I knew all this would happen, I just woulda never let myself get kidnapped in the first place. I know, I could wish for the one thing that inadvertently made all this happen…but I never wish for something that may come true. Someone or something could be listening and make it happen.

Could you imagine? Nina would still be dead (Only I wouldn't know her), People would be so very different, My sister and parents would still be alive, and the world would just be one person closer to being healthy.

Very depressing, I know, but I'm on my period now. Things just happen. I'm lucky it didn't happen on my wedding night. Ewww. I did not just go there. Ew.

Well, now we know where all that angst and furious-ness came from!

And the TV people are gone until the other wedding's happen. They just need clips and then interview us at the end. It won't be aired until we're done. God. That poor show and their workers. They had no idea what they were dealing with.

**October 21**

Master Splinter has shown his dislike for the girls. Oh. My. GAWD! Disappointment?! From Master Splinter?! NOO! But-oh yes. You wanna know how he did? Mwahahahaaa! Let's see:

"HI!"

"Hello."

"I'm retar-"

Okay, I'm lying, that's not how it went.

"Hello, Master Splinter." The two schemers said at the same time.

"Hello." –All calm and just trying to get some Sushi.

"Do you like it?" –Talking about Sushi.

"I have no idea. I have yet to eat it." –or something Master Splinter-y…I dunno.

"Aren't all the tan people here nice?"

"Very." –Uh oh…patience going…heheee!

"They're all family, I think that's super cool."  
"Don't you have your own?"- Fuck. Wow. You go Master Splinter.

"Of course! Ours is way better!"

"Forgive me if I doubt."

Then, evidently, Kelly choked on her wine and lived to tell the tale. Seeing as she's the one that told me. But yeah. Master Splinter is hard core. I still can't believe that he said that. In fact, just a few minutes ago, I heard him say "I can't believe myself'. Like it was a bad thing.

Oh, don't worry, revenge is still working itself out. They've all done something to ruffle everyone's feathers. Starting with ruining my wedding.

Oddly enough, now that I think about it, Grandma (Writing the whole time takes too much time. Like me writing this. Lalalaaa….time waster) had only rolled her eyes up to the sky and sighed as a cup whizzed by her face. 'How could I have not noticed this?!'you may rave. I say 'I was a bit busy'. So…too bad. You're hearing it now.

Wait. I don't even know her maiden name. For a present (YAY!), I'll have her maiden name as my kids middle name. Along with the whole…shebang that means there won't be enough name slots for my poor, poor kid.

And no, I'm not pregnant. Hell nah. Ken and I have agreed that we'd have one when I'm like…25 or something weird like that. Or at least 21. We want our kid to be able to get to know everyone.

Yeah, that's it. No, I don't know if the guys have a movie coming out. Ye-STFU!

**October 26**

Well…nothing's been going on. No. really. Nothing. I mean, sure. Everyone left, we got great wedding presents, we have to do the wedding over a few times, the camera people are gone (officially), and I somehow ended up with a dress that was Hawaii's state flag. Don't know how it happened, but it looks okay.

I know, What the fuck.

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**See how short that was? I know! I feel horrible about it! It's not even my best work! Or...anything. I was floundering like Kitty does on his back with your foot on his belly (Don't worry, it doesn't hurt him)! IDEA'S! ONE CHARACTER FROM ONLY ONE PERSON! HELP!**


	9. The Love Of Something Great & Beautiful

**Alrighty then. Hello! Welcome back to this story! I am leaving Hawaii in a few days (On the first) and will be in California for 11 suffocating, lung depreciating days. Then I start school in Florida on the 22. I know. Sounds very interesting. Yes, I am _not_ a senior or Junior or Freshman. Ha. Now you know the general age of me...heheheee. I fly alone and I'm 'legally' and adult in airport years. Yet it still costs $40 to have someone escort you to different terminals. **

**Extortionists. I swear. Well, Yes, I do have Illanie in here. No, am not insane. Yes, I did _not_ mean to not have her in here so little-ly. I meant to get her all inside and wrapped around and all sorts of jazz. **

**I am too nice for my own good and I have another character that will be showing up that is not of my making. Illanie's cool because she has a conscious, and the new character for the next chapter is cool because she doesn't have an eyeball. Which reminds me. **

**YOU! YES YOU! Bullseye-Fanatic, I need to know if Margo wears anything over her eyeball. If so, what kind of design. If you feel too lazy to actually tell me and leave me a chance to get it wrong, please draw it, scan it (or whatever) and somehow e-mail it. Or PM me the link or whatever. Or...something. Message! Yes, message it to me! **

**I also need idea's on an incident that would push the guys too far over the edge about Brownie and Blondie. They also need names. Unfortunately, I am extremely biased and might choose something that is the eptiome of blonde. And that would be a tad 'hair' racist and I would get killed. So, a few ideas would be lovely! **

**REVIEW DAMMIT!**

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_Chapter Eight/Nine/ whatever!_

_AKA_

**_The love for something great and beautiful_**

**DECEMBER 45**

Okay. Not really.

**DECEMBER 5**

Um…something kinda weird happened at my third wedding. No. Really. Remember? Having to do it all over? Anyway-

No. No one died. In fact, no one's died for like…a year. I know! WEIRD! It's like the world put a hold on DEATH!!!!!!123-dhga,kdfn!

Ahem. Anyway (Again), I got a spastic phone call from Michelangelo. Oh-Don't look at me like that! It wasn't like the normal phone calls. In fact, this would be the first incoming call he'd ever made to me but oh well. He was super nervous and sounded kinda scared.

And guess _when_ he called. Guess. Um. No. Not at the wedding. Electronic's weren't really allowed. It was I was half drunk on something everyone kept shoving at me. Don't know what it was called or why it tasted weird. Even now, I'm not quite sure what really happened with our talk, but I still remembered the voice octaves. And the fact I needed to get to New York AS FAST AS POSSIBLE! AFAS! SAFA! AAFS! Or even FAAS. Almost like fast, only , without the t. So, here I am. Totally freaking out and fiddling with my ring(Yes, girls. It's plain gold) while watching the white stuff out of my window's commonly known to the public as clouds. I call them 'death traps'. Honestly, after 9/11 what native or unnative wouldn't be worried about landing in New York? Exactly. No one wouldn't be freaking out.

LAAAWWW! OHMIGOD! TURBULANCE FROM **HELL**!

**December 6**

Okay. I'm currently in a jail cell for no reason. Ken's…not with me. Let alone on the same continent, but I called him and he said he believed that I would be fine. And to leave him alone, the stock market was down. So being the good, teen wife I sighed and told him to go take a bath with my bath salts. It would help him relax and all that.

I had to ask for a phone book and looked up the Turtles' company. Then I spent twenty minutes talking to the secretary who got in trouble with Raphael because he caught her swearing at me.

So….I'm waiting for one of them to pick me up. At 8. It's noon right now. He told me he'd pick me up between work and a party. For some odd reason, I had an inkling that the 'work' part was another party. I'm _so_ glad I'm on top of his list.

The police officer that was making sure I didn't strangle myself with the cord gave me some confiscated cards to play with. It's kinda boring to play solitaire when you can just shuffle them around at any point. Oh well. I SHALL SCHOOL MYSELF!

**December 6****th**** 9:34:29**

Right. I so trust you Raphael. How ever will I survive? (Read: Sacrastic) WHAT THE FUCK?! I'm still here! All I've eaten was a donut! ONE! AND IT WASN'T EVEN THE WHOLE THING! I got half of it actually. Nice guard, feeding people. I told the police that if they let me have a comfy swivel chair, I'd let them hand cuff me to it so I wouldn't be tempted to dart off into the wild.

Who'd want to anyway? There's some crazy people across the street. Oh hey. Look who might've shown up for me.

**December 7****th**

This really isn't good. That _so_ wasn't Raphael. Let alone anyone I knew. So I've been kidnapped again. You may be thinking 'WTF?!' and I agree with you. I think it was because I was desperate to get out. Y'know…like any other person in mini-jail? And here I am. Kidnapped. And I think I'm being ransomed, not quite sure. I was told that I'd be having a 'TV Conference' (Whatever the hell that means) with the police or something. The guy is evidently on drugs because he was snorting cocaine while I was trying to eat my sandwich (From Subway! EAT FRESH!) without hands.

**December 8**

Well…uh. Leonardo looked sexy with his older self when he rescued me, but…who's noticing? Then I was re-re kidnapped and tucked down in the new and improved Lair. It's insane. There were speakers, art, pedestal's that held nothing, gaming system's galore, Blonde and Brownie (I've managed to steer clear of them so far), bigger rooms, and a better kitchen with a bigger fridge.

Dude. I _told_ Ken that he'd wanna come. But NOOOO. He wanted to stay and go all stock market on us! Oh-hold on, Michelangelo came back all freaky.

**December 9**

Am currently blinking at a body. A live body of some girl whom it took a long time to pry all her leather off. She's just damn lucky she had me doing this. Op-she's drooling. Any one who drool's in their sleep usually means they're fine. I'm gonna go cook some Asian style stuff. Hahaaa. Take that. I know how to cool ASIAN style.

Yeah. Don't get all sarcastic on me.

And don't worry about Ms. Leather. She'll wake up…eventually…later…hopefully placid like a half asleep hippo. Or a manatee. No wonder Manatee's are practically all dead. They're COWS!

**December 10**

Alrighty then. Ms. Leather is actually Illanie. Or…Kiera Illanie. I guess. Um. But Illanie is her first name. And ohmigod is she like a mix between Raphael and Leonardo. And Ohmigod (again). Blondie and Brownie told me they didn't eat anything cooked when I served dinner a few hours ago. I nearly almost flipped out and started to build a spear gun out of clothes pins, a wire hanger, and a rubber band. Oh yes. It's possible. Don't doubt the Hawaiian mind. Er…partially. Not too much, but it depends what it's mixed with-uh…okay, I'll just stop insulting myself.

But yes, Illanie is fantastic and eat's everything you put in front of her. In fact, she sort of just reached over and started pulling food of the DIOBOLICAL TWIN'S plates. So I did the same. I mean, I cooked all this food and even made fried rice! We had ton's of leftover's because Michelangelo and Raphael were doing something on the surface yesterday…so I re-heated everything. Nori went bonkers when Leatherhead brought her in. You know the 'Clap! Raise hands to air!' thing that baseball people do?

I totally just turned that into a 'PRAISE THE LORD!' thing. I mean, I said it out loud, too.

Anyway, Nori blew me off my feet and I landed on Donatello who landed on the couch. We were just one giant ball of…pain and surprise. No happiness here. Not then. We were afterwards. I mean, who wouldn't when enveloped by a large, furry thing?

Not me, that's for sure. I mean, I needed a hug.

**December 12 **

**Noon.**

I just had chocolate for the first time in MONTHS! OHMYGOD! It was so-dude. I'm still drooling. Woops! Just got some on the paper! Heheee-but wow. It had creamy caramel and a little hint of a Crunch Bar chocolate. Y'know? That taste that uniquely their's? Well it had that and some dark chocolate. And I HATE dark chocolate. But it was yummy. Guuh….wow. Just-holy crap.

Okay, I'll update later.

**12:01**

Auuugh, PEANUT BUTTER! I hear angels singing! YES! It tastes **SO GOOD!**

**12:01:45**

I just realized that the whole chocolate thing is all Ken's fault. I've been stuck with Vanilla at all my weddings. God DAMMIT!

**Much, much later**

Crap. I just heard the crazy cat call of DOOM! From Seaweed. There's sooo gonna be a fight. Byeas.

**December 13**

You know what? Right now I'm patching up Seaweed because Blondie attacked with scissors. Yep. ATTACKED with SCISSORS!!!123! Seaweed's missing almost half her ear. And-Dude. Illanie rocks. Guess what she did. No. Go ahead. Guess.

Ookay. No. That's not what she did. Illanie pulled these knives out and stabbed Blondie. I'm talking about STABBED! IN THE HAND! Like, ouch. There was 3-d blood spray and screaming. Seaweed freaked out more of the screaming than the whole 'I'm missing part of my 32 muscle ear' thing.

Right. That went _so_ well. Well, I must ahem _try_ and keep the world at a somewhat balance and start laying down rules. Oh yes, you heard me. Rules. Like the ones that really aren't allowed to be broken 'cuz then you'd have to cook for yourself.

Yes, those rules.

Tootle pip! I'm tired!

**December 15**

Nothing has been happening. At all. Which is really weird. Hm. I guess today will be the day I finally corner Mikey and ask why the hell I'm here. Yep, I haven't asked yet. **Yet**.

Nori's ear is doing better. She pretty much had to be restrained from killed Donny while he gave her stitches or whatever. Evidently I did I bad job and he had the balls to tell me so. As much as I applaud him for doing so, it's his fault anyway.

I mean, how fast did he move on to his other girlfriend? After the other one died? Ahaaa…exactly! Like…Um…Reference check, hold on….Uh. Wow. That took like what? Ten minutes? Jeeze. Okay.

Um-Well I suppose the 'coming out' of the 'relatioship' was on the 5th of January. And technically…that's all because I licked him. And his 'I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!' girlfriend died-what? 29th of December? The fuck? What?! Okay, I'm so gonna talk to him about this. I mean, what?

Maybe they'd broken up a few weeks before and he was lovesick.

Maybe.

Probably not.

He's probably just as shallow as the rest of the world.

Hahaaa. I just included myself by accident. AHA! I WILL DO AN ANNIVERSARY 'OMG! YER OLD GIRLY-FRIEND DIED!' THEMED! Mwahahahaaa!

**December 16**

Well, today Illanie totally freaked out for some odd reason and full on body tackled Brownie. I still don't know. I got caught in the crossfire and Brownie tripped over me as I 'patted' away the blood stain on the (Evidently new) carpet. I nearly snapped my wrist ( My left, thankfully, else I wouldn't be able to write this) From their combined weight and because SOMEONE'S manicured and Faux nails slashed my wrist. Thus making it wobbly. So…now I look like I'm suicidal. Great.

Anyway, I did something that has no other to be described. I bucked and they both went flying. So, I guess I kinda helped kill my wrist. Well, I sort of just rolled on my back and watched as Donatello pulled his girlfriend up and Leonardo had to actually _think_ on a way to get Illanie cornered and away from Brownie.

But Am singing this outloud I know something you don't know! HAHAAA! I KNOW SOMETHING _HE_ DOESN'T KNOW!

In fact, I'm sure most of everyone but Illanie and I know. Well…they might. I mean, pheromones? Er- I just gave it away, didn't I. Anyway:

ILLANIE LIKES LEO! UNREQUITED LOVE! How I nearly love thee. I shall begin a plot. A plot where my wrist will be out of it's little Velcro casing and I can stand tall and not go 'HOLY CRAP! DIVE!'. And, also…to be in a save environment. Oh yes, I must also ask Mikey about why he called. I know, late thinker huh?

AGAIN! Anyways, Jesus:

Leonardo ended up trapping Illanie by wrapping her up in a cocoon of manly arms of sexiness. Oh yes. You realize this is the second time I've called him sexy. No, third. That's because, simply, he is. Hell, they all are. Very, very much so. Especially Raphael. Him and his bad self workin' out like a crazy person. And we all know he's a tad crazy up there anyway, what with the anger and 'misunderstandments' that were understood completely. But Leo's all controlled and least likely to yell at you unless you do something really stupid. Like act all manly and 'Rawr' like his brother. Well, Leonardo wrapped Illanie all up then he started whispering 'calm' things at her. Yes. Whispering. To a girl who looked like she was old enough to start….well, it would be horribly rude of me to say 'Fucking' because I'm sure it'd mean a lot more to her. Um…I'll go with-no not 'screwing' or 'rutting'. And Sex is just dainty. Oh! I got it! The code word for her having sex is 'Salamander'! So it'll be 'Old enough to start Salamandering'. Heheee! Embarassing, everyone knows what I'm saying, and I enjoy it! YAY! But yes, she was old enough to _Salamander_ someone and was probably at her peak of wanting to _Salamander_ in all of its _Salamandering_ glory. Hahaaa! I'm cackling as I write this! Mwahahahaa! Ahh…if she finds this, she's so gonna kill me. Good thing she has a conscious that works double time. Anywho, She sort of got this scandalized look because she was being (Inadvertently on Leonardo's part) **spooned**. Then it faded to panic, then alarm (Two different things for her), then to a vague sense of 'Ohmygod. I like this.', Finally, she landed on, 'Huu…heheheee. I love you now'. I'm sure she wouldn't mind _Salamandering_ him right now. As long as nothing bad happens. Or something. Or….something.

I'm tired. Goodnight! And I'll remember to ask Michelangelo about why I'm here.

**December 17**

Um. Well...Illanie denies everything with a huge blush and she keep apologizing. Remember? The whole wrist thing? Oh-nevermind.

And Michelangelo looked kind of nervous, blue eyes all shifty like I was asking him something really obvious. Remember that too? The whole "Why am I here?" question?

This is what he said, "Uh…Can we do this later?"

Yes. LATER as if I were some ex girlfriend confronting him in front of his new one. What the fuck? So I asked again, only for Donatello to move to stand by us. Hello, Conversation going on…

And he said, "Michelangelo has some unrequited feelings."

Then dodged the numerous objects flying after him. I sort of just stood there, staring at the wall where his face (once) was while things whipped past my head. Unrequited feelings. For me? Or for someone else? Oh hell nah, please not Blondie or Brownie! Pleasepleasepleaseplease….

Then- "Mei?"

"Huh?"

"What Donnie said-"

"What?"

"I like…"

"Yeeesh?"

"My secretary."

That's when I hit him over the head and yelled at him in Chinese. I didn't know I even _knew_ Chinese. I mean…I don't. But I did! I yelled at him and it totally freaked us out! Then I sat down with him and let him tell the **whole** fuckin' story. From the 'Hello, my name is Ms. Lace' to 'Who's a big boy?' oddly revolting, yet very informative, I must tell you. He even discussed manly secrets with me. Like I wanted to know the secrets of the universe. I now know _officially_ that their…ahems-Fuck. I swear but don't mention body parts. How the hell am I built like that?!- are green. I mean, I suspected it, but I tried not to dwell on it. White guys are (evidently) pink and Turtles are green. Right. Like I _so_ wanted to know that. Like I _so_ needed to even _HEAR_ it!

It really didn't help that Seaweed came in (Looking rather pathetic with her ear wrapped up)and just stared up at us like a four year old. Which…she probably is…in human years-er.

So yeah. Michelangelo loves his human secretary and had sex with her. Right. That so makes sense to me. A FEMALE who's never had sex with anyone but her husband and is so totally the wrong person to talk to. Though, I do suppose that because I _am_ a female, I made him feel better. Not I feel bad for writing bad things about the whole thing in this entry.

I mean, think about it. No females, no romance, only television and his brothers. Then in comes the whole spiel with Blondie and Brownie revealing them to the open. Suddenly there's all this money and options pouring in. Women want them, men too….at least some. All this love and acceptance coming from a place where the guys couldn't imagine coming from.

Just like those many years ago, I really don't like me right now. I have my happy ending. I will have human babies and deal with human problems. The guys won't. They'll have mutated creature children that won't get accepted into society. At least the other children won't accept. Kids are nasty and meaner than grown ups.

On that sad note, I end this entry.

Love you tons!

**December 17 3:00 PM**

Holy crap! It's my birthday! I totally forgot! And…evidently everyone else did too. Yay! I'm 18! I'm old. Woah. Not cool. Besides, I've got bigger things to do rather than have a birthday party. It's called figuring out a way to make sure Brownie and Blondie don't marry Donatello and Raphael and get tons of money when they divorce of if they somehow 'die'. Or get murdered, depends.

Happy birthday to meee!

3

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**Yes, I noticed the whole 'saving Mei' thing with leonardo wasn't very 'OHEMGEE!', but I was feeling lazy and that was probably how Mei would go along doing it. I mean, hello! Once you've been kidnapped by the Foot, thing's kinda wind down. **

**REVIEW! I'm tired of this shit! oh. And if you feel somewhat insulted, tell me! It boosts my review count. **

**I suppose the reason I'm all testy is because There's a jackhammer going off by the door. Great. It just started up again. Fuck, man. **

**And yes, that whole chocolate thing? That's actually what happened to me when I was writing it. Two months without good chocolate. My god, it was heaven! **

**Now review. Please.**


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